the olive ream

Sharon meets with Bush this week at the president’s ranch in Crawford, Texas. It has been reported that the leaders will discuss the issue of evacuation of Israeli settlements in Gaza and West Bank. Yeah, right!

The meeting will likely go like this:

Sharon: Hi George.

Bush: Ariel, you fat SOB, long time no see. Welcome to my ranch, or as I call it my Love Shack.

Sharon: Cut the crap George, and lets get down to business.

Bush: Sure, why not. But before we start, can I get you a drink?

Sharon: Yes, Pepto-Bismol on the rocks. Got a bad case of heart-burn and foul taste of bile in mouth. Freaking ulcer is acting up again.

Bush: Ariel you gotta get some exercise. I freakin’ can’t even hug you because of your enormous belly.

Sharon: Now George, I agreed to meet with you on one condition, that you don’t meddle in our Israeli internal affairs. We are planning to evacuate a few settlements in Gaza, just for show purposes of course, but we are building adequately large number of new Israeli settlements in other areas of the occupied territory, so it all works out in the end.

Bush: Sure man, I hear ya. Wherever an Israeli lays his hat, that’s his home…

Sharon: ….Preferably on Palestinian territory. LOL!

Bush: I got no beef with that. They’ve got me saying all sorts of crap regarding Israel meeting its obligations blah, blah, blah and road map to peace, yada, yada, yada…but you know that is “official” for the world press.

Sharon: So, let’s just quickly discuss our next plan of action. I am getting hungry, I haven’t eaten anything in two hours!

Bush: Holy crap! you must be starvin’…. alright, so let’s just discuss the main issue. Who’s gonna start it up with I-ran. I think you guys should do it.

Sharon: Oh, c’mon! You know we never openly pick a fight. We do it ONLY clandestinely using Mossad. You guys should start.

Bush: Dude, we are already getting our ass kicked in Iraq. The boys there are so shit scared they openly fire on anything that moves, …. or doesn’t move, for that matter.

Sharon: That’s your mess, you clean it up.

Bush: What?!! … You were the only one insisting that we go after Sad-um ASAP. We both wanted him out and he is out. Now I-ran needs to go and you gotta help us. You promised.

Sharon: Alright. We will assist and if you want me to start it up then I am NOT giving you a heads up, ok? You guys ought know when it is time.

Bush: I’m okay with that. So should we start-up with Syria concurrently? I mean it makes sense. Paul (Wolfowitz), Dick (Cheney), Richard (Perle) and Carl (Rove) have all advised me, we should.

Sharon: What do you think?

Bush: Ariel, be serious. When have you known me to think? My PNAC posse does my thinkin’.

Sharon: As they should. I say, you Go for it! Let the Pentagon work out the logistics of it, and let them get back to me.

Bush: Great. So now that our meetin’ is over, how ‘bout some barbeque ribs? We can eat while we watch a movie. How ‘bout Diehard, or Terminator3? I’ve even got the TV series ‘24’ on DVD. It is hard for me to follow but I like those action and torture scenes.

Sharon: Do you have the ‘Passion of the Christ’? ….. I haven’t seen it.

Bush: No but I have the Ten Commandments on VHS.

Sharon: George, you’ve got all this land on your ranch, …..acres and acres of fertile, unused land, and I was thinking that if I could build…

Bush: No way dude! I ain’t lettin’ you build settlements on my land!

Sharon: Antisemite!

Bush: Where?!

No comments

President: Now, before I start are there any further questions? …..No? Good!

Press: Mr. President, I have a question! It has been reported that during your attendance at the Pope’s funeral, when your face appeared on giant screen TVs showing the ceremony, many in the crowds outside St. Peter’s Square booed looking at your image. Any comment?

President: That news has been disreported, uh, I mean, falsely mispresented. What the crowd actually was chanting was “BOOO-SSHH!” (Bush). I was very deeply moved by that because the same crowd had just a few minutes earlier shouted, “Cinco Sapos” for Holy Father, the late pope. And as you all know…

Press: Excuse me, Mr. President, but ‘Cinco Sapos’ is Spanish for Five Toads.

President: Really? ..uh,…..Ah, yes! They were referring to the ‘Parable of the Five Toads’, which comes from the new revised version of the revised version of the Book of Saints.

Press: Actually, Mr. President, the crowd at St. Peter’s were shouting “Santo Subito”, which in Italian means ‘endured saint’, or ‘saint soon’.

President: Sure it does. Next question, yes Jeff?

Press: Mr. President, Jeff (Gannon) is not here.

President: …Certainly, he’s not. I was actually referring to that lady there.

Press: Mr. President, my name is Hilda, not Jeff.

President: Of course it is, and your question is?

Press: What are you plans now after attending the funeral?

President: Well, I will be returning back to DC, and as Ms. Rice had an extensive trip abroad, I plan to pump her thoroughly in the debriefing room, regarding her visits with the various world leaders.

Press: One last question, Mr. President. How is the ‘War on Terror’ being fought at home, back in the US?

President: Very well I think… I mean Mike Chertoff at the DHS is doing an excellent job keeping the American citizens safe from the evil-doers. Since 911, our alert status remains at YELLOW, which means ‘Elevated’. Should the evil-doers show signs of working towards another impending attack, our alert status will rise to ORANGE, which as you know means ….uh,…. ‘Extremely Attentive’. But although we are currently at YELLOW, the public mindset is actually at ORANGE due to the constant flow of information on the news. As for me, I see RED all the time against the doers of evil. RED Status as you are aware means ‘TOTALLY HIGH’.

Thank you very much, I have to leave now, as the First Lady needs to do some shopping and I want to try out some of your fine Italian cuisine, like a large pepperoni pizza with a Diet Coke.

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