the olive ream

So I read this article the other day on the CNN web site, about this new military technology that is catching everyone’s attention. I present the same article here for your review but with my comments in BOLD.

The military’s new weapon is a ray gun that shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they will catch fire. [How fantastic! But they can do that by holding a lighter next to someone's face so why spend billions inventing such an expansive alternative?]

The technology is supposed to be harmless — a non-lethal way to get enemies to drop their weapons. [Ooh! just like the tazer guns were supposed to be non-lethal, right? The same tazers guns that have resulted in 'accidental' deaths of several innocent civilians when they were utilized by law enforcement.]

Military officials say it could save the lives of civilians and service members in places like Iraq and Afghanistan. [Why? Is the US military planning to leave Iraq and Afghanistan and are permanently removing their military bases from these countries?]

The weapon is not expected to go into production until at least 2010, but all branches of the military have expressed interest in it, officials said. [Are these the same branches of the military whose senior personnel are shareholders in the company producing this offensive weaponry or are they the paid lobbyists for the company in question?]

During the first media demonstration of the weapon Wednesday, airmen fired beams from a large dish antenna mounted atop a Humvee at people pretending to be rioters and acting out other scenarios U.S. troops might encounter. [Hold on a minute! I thought you just said this was 'a non-lethal way to get ENEMIES to drop their weapons.' So a rioting public is the enemy, and the stones, sticks and banners they might be holding are their weapons. Yes I can certainly see how dangerous such weapons can be for armoured personnel sitting inside a tank. And what 'other scenarios' are we talking about here? People yelling, screaming obcenities telling the US military to f*ck off out of their country...and perhaps people walking aggressively is another scenario that qualifies as dangerous.]

While the sudden, 130-degree Fahrenheit (54.44 Celsius) heat was not painful, it was intense enough to make participants think their clothes were about to ignite. [Apparently, feeling like your clothes are about to burst into flames is not painful. It is just like disrobing because you feel slightly warm and you feel the need for a tan.]

“This is one of the key technologies for the future,” said Marine Col. Kirk Hymes, director of the non-lethal weapons program that helped develop the weapon. “Non-lethal weapons are important for the escalation of force, especially in the environments our forces are operating in.” [Actually, the environment you are operating in requires a de-escalation of force...and the US military force to be exact.]

The system uses millimeter waves, which can penetrate only 1/64th of an inch of skin, just enough to cause discomfort. By comparison, common kitchen microwaves penetrate several inches of skin. [But kitchen microwaves don't make you feel like your clothes are on fire either unless you are sitting inside the microwave while warming your food.]

The millimeter waves cannot go through walls, but they can penetrate most clothing, officials said. They refused to comment on whether the waves can go through glass. [So all the enemy has to do is stand behind a wall, and this million dollar weapon becomes utterly useless. I guess it becomes even more apparent that this weapon is solely meant for rioters or protestors (i.e. the general public) out in the open and the military qualifies them as the 'real' enemy. And why the refusal to comment if this will go through glass? Is it because it can't or they haven't tested the damn thing going through glass or is it because it shatters the glass injuring innocent civilians?]

The system was developed by the military, but the two devices being evaluated were built by defense contractor Raytheon. [No wonder the military is showing so much interest in buying this damn thing, they made it. And 'Ray-theon' was probably chosen because the name seemed appropriate based on the weapon in question.]

Airman Blaine Pernell, 22, said he could have used the system during his four tours in Iraq, where he manned watchtowers around a base near Kirkuk. He said Iraqis often pulled up and faked car problems so they could scout U.S. forces.[He is 22 and he's done four tours of Iraq at this age? The US military is seriously short of volunteers. I am sure he could have used this system, like many other US soldiers who use the alternate method of firing indiscriminately at the crowd to disperse them. But then again, the weapon wont be much of use, if the Iraqis run and hide behind walls.]
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From the article above, one gets the clear impression this weapon is developed and will be used primarily on the general public for crowd control at times of government protests. So water canons, tear gas, rubber bullets and now this! … a weapon against civil disobedience.

The source of the article is here.

On my recent trip to Lahore and Karachi, I noticed a lot of bill hoardings advertising products which most people don’t want, like or need. Instead, I suggest the following billboards should be placed around the cities to highlight what is deserving of real attention.

Dangerous Babe - Sex ki shehzadi - Miro Jan

Since the re-launch (or more pretentiously speaking renaissance) of the Olive Ream, the site has gone through two exacting theme changes. The current wordpress theme you see before you was chosen because I naively thought it would be easily manageable and customizable, and primarily because the first theme I chose made the fonts as large as piles of elephant dung when viewed through IE. But how bloody wrong I was about this current theme. Since I installed it, I’ve tried to clean up the original (diagonally striped background) with something more plain. But for some God forsaken reason, this theme, (which I am now fully convinced is possessed), keeps returning back to the original striped background at odd times during the day, (at least that is how it appears for me through firefox and IE both). And no, I am not an alcoholic or on drugs, just in case you were wondering.

In addition to evil-spirited occurence of the striped backgrounds at odd times, the right side bar is being controlled by the minions of this evil theme spirit, as the text links and banners have the habit of left aligning themselves without me having to fiddle with the code in the theme editor. And for some bastard like reason, the paragraph breaks do not appear in most posts as they should, which is a real hemorrhoidal pain in the gluteus maximus.

Yesterday, the whole bloody site disappeared for no damn good reason. Had it not been for Teeth Maestro and his technical maneuvering to save this site, you would all be now looking at a white page with ‘404 Error’ probably stating ‘Site possessed by the Mephistopheles of the blogging world’.

I spent most of today, exorcising the demons out of the design theme with the aid of Holy can of Soda and large pieces of garlic bread, which also happened to be part of my lunch. As of now, I think the beelzebub of wordpress has been sent to the hell it came from but unfortunately, I cannot be sure that all will remain peaceful in the future. So in case, you notice the site theme is out of whack and the fonts are left aligning or hideously large in size or the background is all buggered, please know that it is not my fault, it is most likely that the satanic theme has returned to haunt the hell out of my innocent little home in cyberspace. Just do me a favour, and inform me of the demonic errors you might notice.

BEGONE YOU EVIL DIABLO OF WEB LOGS, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!
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Update: February 4th, 2007

The demonic theme in question has been expelled to the bowels of hell that it came from. Another pious, God-fearing theme has now been adopted in its place and that is the theme that you see before you. I pray for its sanctity, preservation and life ever lasting. Amen.

To: The Olive Ream, while you were out, your conscience called and left the following message.

You vacationing little git! How dare you leave on holiday with out me, leaving me here to stew in my own juices. Have you any idea what I’ve been going through? While you were gorging on sumptuous meals in fancy restaurants and maxing out your credit card on clothes you don’t need and art that you can’t afford (and don’t understand), I’ve been keeping track of things that you should have noticed while on holiday in Lahore. But I am not going to tell you any of those things, as you don’t deserve to know.

I am not going to tell you that not everyone that knocked on the car window at traffic signal was a beggar. Some of them were genuinely trying to sell you something (a news paper, a garland of flowers and incense sticks) and were generally more deserving than the wave of your hand to motion them to leave.

I am not going to tell you, that the waiter at Cooco’s Den was deserving of an additional tip because he was the only waiter there after the official closing time serving you and your friends on the roof top terrace (when the temperature was -2).

I am not going to mention that revulsion (and resulting hysterics) you should have suffered staring at the ubiquitous billboards with the image of the Punjab Chief Minister (and his ever-present constipated smile). Apparently, he is inaugurating or launching or promoting every new government initiative there is or ever likely to be in Lahore.

I am not going to tell you that you should have actually spent time admiring the architecture of the old buildings, rather than taking pictures of them like a Japanese tourist.

I am not going to mention that you should have spent more time talking to the students at NCA, rather than just admiring that art work. What an amazingly talented group of individuals they all are.

I am going to tell you that you should have spoken to the old man with the wheelbarrow collecting plastics bags that you saw every morning in Askari rather than to just photograph him.

I am not going to mention that you shouldn’t have laughed so much at the call to prayer by the tone-deaf muezzin at the Askari mosque, and his desperate attempts to sound in tune. (You will be going straight to hell for this one!)

I am not going to mention that you should have sourced the curator of the Lahore Museum and asked why a building that houses original Sadequain art work, is below freezing in temperature during the winter months. Is it an experiment in cryogenics to ensure posterity of the collection or an experiment in cryonics to ensure the posterity of the visitors to the museum?

And I am not even going to mention the international news that you missed out on while on vacation. With endless calls for exiting Iraq, Bush obliges by increasing the numbers of troops to be deployed to Iraq (naturally), which results in more deaths and chaos every day in that peace forsaken country, which leads to increase hostility in the region, which would result in moving forward the US/Israel plans to attack Iran, which would result in some insane Al Qaeda-labeled terrorist attack, which could possibly escalate to a nuclear war, and in turn cause even Paris Hilton to be concerned about more than just having a bad hair day. So, as far as international news is concerned, not much has changed while you were on vacation.

Welcome to my new residence, free from blogspot.com ailments and with a new domain name to boot! Have a look around as there are different sections to check out. Leave comments or cash or both as you see fit.

Help yourself to the hors d’oeuvres, just don’t drop any crumbs on carpet. There are drinks in the fridge and three bottles of 2003 Château Lafite Rothschild for the wine connoisseurs and alcoholics in the crowd. Enjoy!