the olive ream

Dear Congress,

Please find enclosed the four-volume set of the 2008 Federal Budget Books for your review – and they are absolutely free for yours to keep! I am asking you all to approve this $2.9 trillion dollar budget without the necessary due care and attention, as you have done so in the previous years. By the way, does anyone know how many zeros there are in a trillion? They tell me it is a lot, so I am suitably impressed.

Apart from pledging allegiance to the flag of these United States, I also pledge to balance this here budget by the year 2012. Now I realize that is a long ways off, but let’s be honest here, with the way things are going in the Middle East and the fight I’m soon to pick with Iran, balancing of the budget should be the last of year worries for the future.

With this budget, I intend to make my first-term tax cuts permanent! I’m sure you all will agree to that as it provides the break for all our repulsively rich fat cat friends we have sponsoring our positions in government. So let’s not hear any bitching about this later.

You should be happy to know that with this budget, we would achieve nearly $100 billion dollar in savings by expertly trimming down on increases in Medicare, the health insurance program for the 43 million retirees and disabled, and Medicaid for the poor. You see, I’ve decided to attack only those people that I know cannot hit back. So, no real change there in my policy.

Just so you know, I’m asking for a $100 billion dollars more for Iraq and the war on terror. And, this is in addition to $70 billion I asked for earlier. Now, don’t all of you get your panties in a bunch over this amount cause it ain’t much, believe me! I could have asked for much more. I expect you all to approve it as early as possible, or else I will declare all of you “enemy combatants” and then you’ll rot in a federal prison for life, without your families ever knowing where and how you are.

And I might as well tell you now; I am increasing the Pentagon budget by relatively decent 11 percent. This brings there 2008 budget to 481.4 billion dollars but I better not get any complaints from you guys, got that?! How else do you expect me to sponsor the attack on Iran? …with f*cking food stamps?!

Now go do what you do best, act like you care about the people and argue and fight about this budget, before most of you cave-in and approve everything I’ve proposed.

Take care,
Love and kisses,
George
(The Prez)