the olive ream

The HOW TO & The WHY NOTs of Writing A Succesful Blog Post:

I shall not be writing about my favourite song, my favourite colour or my preference for street luge in heavy traffic as an olympic event. I shall not be disclosing any secrets, prophetic revelations, half-truths or gargantuan lies about myself either. The purpose of this post is to help the uninitiated, the down-trodden bloggers of this copiously cruel cyber world who may occasionally be lost for words for meaningful content and suffer an acute case of blogger’s block.

This article details the disparate parts needed to form a successful blog post so if you are looking for something interesting to read this might (not) turn out to be your cup of double de-caf, half-caf java.

The key is the process of writing itself. If you can type an adequate amount of nonsensical drivel to fill about 8 lines of your post, you’ve already achieved ninety percent what needs to be done.

An important factor towards this aim, is to ensure that no profundity seeps in accidentally within your incoherent diatribe. The writing should be innocuous enough not to result in a comment from an accidental reader.

For narcissists seeking attention, add titles for your post such asAttack on Iran, Israeli Nuclear Weapons, American Imperialism and most importantly, Midget Ménage à Trois. This will ensure the requisite audience of perverts and intelligence agencies (which in most cases are one and the same) flag your site for permanent review.

Pictures can be utilized to fill the space but shall be abstract yet repulsive enough to cause the uninvited peruser to violently purge the contents of his/her last meal.

If you crave the need to add a little profanity into the mix of your muddled textual tirade, avoid the most commonly used forms of obscenities. Alternatives such as “huge, wobbly, dangly ones” or “baggy bit of sausage” should be opted for. No frame of reference should be given for the use of either of these two options.

Finally, ensure that your post ends without actually completing the sent…