the olive ream

A BRIEF DEBRIEFING

Press: So, how were you treated by your captors?

British Sailor (BS): We had a really tough time there for a bit. We were blindfolded.

Press: How absolutely horrifying!

BS: Yeah, and that wasn’t all, they then proceeded to isolate all of us.

Press: Gruesome!

BS: It was, yes! They put us in these cold, cemented cells.

Press: Oh dear God! Have they no decency?!

BS: Apparently not. But that wasn’t the worst of it. They then forced us to make false confessions by threatening us with 7 years in prison. Obviously, we all cracked under pressure.

Press: Oh the inhumanity of it all!

BS: Tell me about it. They fed us, got us cleaned up and dressed and then paraded us on television to have us make our false confession, one by one. But we made it clear by means of surreptitious winks, smiles and scratching of the ear lobes that we were being coerced into making these claims.

Press: Wow! I’m suitably impressed.

BS: You should be.

Press: So, what exactly did they make you confess?

BS: Well, as soon as we got back to England, they made us confess that we were actually in Iraqi territorial waters even though we all had confessed otherwise. They also wanted us to say we faced unrelenting psychological pressure from the Iranians to justify the reason for our cracking under pressure so quickly and in confessing to our uninvited sojourn into Iranian waters.

7 Comments so far

  1. Teeth Maestro April 7th, 2007 4:21 am

    Ghost of Guantanamo!!!! came to haunt Iran for a few days but Iran turned him away in 15 days. US should be put to shame for the human rights violations they do up there in Guantanamo. The world seems to ignore that situation but feels Iran should be attacked - what hypocrisy

  2. Sidhusaaheb April 7th, 2007 4:22 am

    I’d like to know how that compares with the hospitality at Gitmo!

  3. Sidhusaaheb April 7th, 2007 4:25 am

    I swear to God that I had not read Teeth Maestro’s comment, before I wrote mine! It’s just that we are two of a kind perhaps. :D

  4. Jaded April 7th, 2007 7:13 am

    BS… Bullshit… any relation? hypocrisy, thy name is the world wearing blinders of stars and stripes!

  5. xill-e-ilahi April 8th, 2007 1:37 pm

    liar!!! i-ran is american territory! how can you forget that he caused 9/11??? you must be an al-qaeda terrorist to take sides with this ahmedinejad guy!!!

    alternatively, you could be human.

    @ jaded: hear, hear!

  6. Shahid April 12th, 2007 6:10 pm

    LOL - when I’m back to 100% I will add my 2p to this whole thing - but your piece means far less urgency now! Well done bro, another lovely piece of satire!

  7. Zakintosh April 14th, 2007 5:30 pm

    this had me in more stitches than my prostate surgery. vaah!

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