the olive ream

… for Rant

He had been planning this attack for ages. He waited when she was at her most vulnerable and then raided her home with the intention of invading not just her privacy. He ripped off his scruples, gave into avarice and pounced on her. He tore up her country to usurp her bountiful resource(s). She screamed as he tried to massage her ego by saying this is what she wanted and then planted a big, wet puppet regime on her. She tried to resist but he utilized the terrorist cells to weaken her and blamed her for her own lack of security. Her screams were never heard as he controlled all her media channels. He played inside her ‘green zone’ while his blackwater proxies targeted her innocent civilians to weaken her further. She cried with pain and tried feebly to attack his permanent military bases but to no avail. He was determined to spread his democracy, in order to try to screw her freedom. Her neighbor heard her screams and called for help but that only turned him on more as he talked dirty by shouting profanities and fantasized about ravaging her neighbor while violating his current victim. The other G8ers watched the attack as the voyeuristic perverts that they are and no one came to her aid. They were far too impressed by the size of his military industrial complex. There was no end to his neoconic madness. The 08 presidential candidates complained about his actions but they could not muster enough courage to even collectively do anything to make him stop. They were all too busy thinking about taking over from him once he was done, especially with the photoshoped surveillance provided by the Israeli intelligence, they were all eyeing the neighbor as their own victim. The masses saw the rise of his police state and fell silent in fear of getting screwed themselves. He screamed as he reached his oil peak, his currency devalued while his stock markets collapsed with exhaustion. His massive empire finally fell. He suddenly realized what he had done, but it was too late, his future was already in ruins.

The End.

EMT: We need a doctor here, quick!

Dr. Me: I’m here, tell me.

EMT: We’ve got a blog here by the name of Olive Ream, 2 years and a few months old. Flatline.

Dr. Me: How long has it been down?

EMT: Exact duration unknown. A regular reader found the blog inactive for several weeks and reported it in. We’ve worked on reviving it. Gave it two rounds of eppy and two of atrophine.

Dr. Me: Any signs of life?

EMT: Registered a faint pulse earlier but now we can’t even pick up on that.

Dr. Me: Thanks! We’ll take it from here. Alright, we need to get it on a monitor, people!

Dr. Myself: Sure, I’ll do it. I want someone to the check ventilation.

Dr. I: Can I help?

Dr. Me: Yeah, you can do a rectal temperature reading.

Dr. I: That sucks! Why do I always get the shitty jobs….literally!

Dr. Me: Monitor’s up. No readable pulse.

Dr. Myself: Asystole?

Dr. Me: Likely. No planned posts and no spontaneous rants either on the blog.

Dr. I: Any response to external stimuli, such as reader’s comments on the last post?

Dr. Me: None. And pupils are fixed and dilated.

Dr. Myself: Okay, so no corneal reflex either. Let’s have a high dose of eppy, a pulse ox and title CO2 detector.

Dr. I: Are you making this sh*t up?!

Dr. Myself: No. I saw it on an episode of ER.

Dr.I: Oh!

Dr. Me: Get the paddles, let’s shock the blog bastard into life. Crank it up to 50. No, wait! Make it 60.

Dr. Myself: Clear!

Dr. I: Nothing. No change in pulse.

Dr. Me: Alright, let’s try another dose of shock treatment. I know it will respond. Tape the eyelids open, and make the blog watch Fox News.

[One minute later]

Dr. I: Damn! Nothing. No response. No new posts so far.

Dr: Me: Alright another eppy. 7 milligrams.

Dr: I: I’ll resume with the chest compressions.

Dr. Myself: Good, keep bagging it. Start it on a dopamine drip, while I read out some news articles from the mainstream news paper. That ought to certainly get the attention of the blog. Hey, here’s a good one, Karl Rove quits!

[Five minutes later]

Dr. I: Nothing! Absolutely, no response to anything. Damn it! Did I forget to insert the rectal thermometer?

Dr. Me: No, you didn’t.

Dr. I: Phew!

Dr. Me: Yes, but you stuck it in me instead.

Dr. I: Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ll take it out.

Dr. Me: No, leave it. I’m rather enjoying it at the moment.

Dr. Myself: Give me the paddles! I’m setting it at 80. Charging… Clear!

Dr. I: Is that a beep?

Dr. Me: Yes but the beeps are random, there’s no rhythm yet.

Dr. Myself: Damn it! The beeps are getting more sporadic. Oh, no! The blog is flat-lining again!

Dr. Me: Even if we do revive the blog at this late stage, there’s likely to be brain damage. I’m not reading any alpha, theta, delta frequencies currently. It is likely that there might not be any new and original posts in the future for this blog even it had been fully resuscitated.

Dr. Myself: Should we call it then?

Dr. Me: I think so. We’ve done all we can.

Dr. Myself: Alright, time of death, eight forty tw…..

Dr. I: No, wait! What’s this? … this just fell out of its pocket.

Dr. Me: What is it?

Dr. I: It is a note. Looks like a shopping list. Give me the paddles, I’m setting it at 80 and I’ll shock him again. Charging…… Clear!

Dr. Me: We’ve got a pulse…and it is rhythmic!

Dr. Myself: It is a strong one…at 120. BP’s 100!

Dr. Me: Good call, Dr. I! The blog seems to be activated again.

Dr. Myself: But how did you know?

Dr. I: I just saw the grocery shopping list and I thought that it probably qualifies as a post, as these days any drivel can make it to a blog.

Dr: Me: Let me see the list.

GROCERY LIST

1. A bitter pill for the globalists to swallow so they can realize that not all their sordid schemes will work out the way that they’ve planned.
2. A Forbidden Fruit for every self-righteous, over-zealous, ultra-religious nut bags who believes they are responsible for showing everyone the right path and punishing those who don’t follow their way.
3. A bunch of sour grapes for all the sad gits who hoped Pakistan would not make it to 60 years.
4. A tissue of lies (regurgitated by the mainstream media) that I can use to blow my nose or better yet, wipe my ass with!
5. A pint of milk of human kindness for all humanity – I know we could all do with some more.

It’s been more than a fortnight since I became a father [Applause]. I could blather on endlessly about how deeply moving the whole experience is about becoming a father (for the first time) and how profound the love one feels for a new born child BUT I’m not going to do that here. I would rather take this opportunity to reveal an observation I’ve made since my son was born and that is, all new-born babies are very similar to fascist leaders and military dictators. Allow me to elucidate and pontificate (all at the same time, while holding my breath and standing on one leg).

Coup d’é•tat: With a sudden and decisive overthrow of government, the new-born has taken control of my home and I have been involuntarily drafted into the service of my child. All natural (and unnatural) resources will now be utilized to cater to the needs of this tiny dictator.

Removal of opposition in high government positions: My position as the primary decision maker in the house has now been relegated to that of an observer. Like the Chief Justice of Pakistan I was forcefully removed from office. Apparently, I know nothing about handling a new-born baby, as I don’t know when to feed or burp the little general. I only end up annoying him by waking him at the wrong time and therefore I cannot be part of his government. I am currently in the process of rounding up supporters and holding a mass demonstration in front of the baby’s crib.

Martial Law: All aspects of my life including my required sojourns to the W.C. are now dictated by the time-table set by this wee fascist. My movement is restricted and a curfew is set on the amount of time I can browse the internet or watch the news. Moreover, it is very unlikely that I will ever get relief from my house-arrest, as my wife has specifically made it clear that she needs help with the baby so “you ain’t going nowhere!”

Regrettable alliances: All known and many unknown (frightfully suspicious) relatives insisted on seeing the baby as soon as we brought him home from the hospital. There were some within this crowd of baby sycophants, who I as a parent, particularly don’t like (despise to be more precise) and I prayed that the baby times his projectile vomiting to target these specific individuals. Unfortunately, the baby just like a military general (who also happens to be the president of your home) decided to form alliances with these individuals in order to gain further popularity amongst the masses of the these distant family members. He did this by behaving perfectly when he was embraced in the unholy bosoms of these individuals. I’m quite sure though that he will grow up to regret his decision not to regurgitate his last meal while being cuddled by these party members as they gobbled down the last of the ladoos (sweets), while their children (junior party members) ran riot and caused irrevocable damage (to my expensive coffee table). The little shits will pay for that one day as I exact my revenge by visiting their house (in a few years) and have my son demolish something really expensive like a 90 inch flat screen television (if I’m lucky).

Refusal to give up the uniform: Just like a military dictator who ‘elects’ himself as President and also remains the chief of army staff, and refuses to give up his uniform, the baby screams his head off as soon as I try to unbutton his romper in time for his bath.

Restriction on Free Speech: As based on the whims of repressive leaders, the baby has tendency to get upset at odd times (based on his mood) to any sound that comes from my mouth. Some days I can talk and “coochie-coo” the hell out of the little despot and on other days I have to keep my gob shut because his infant holiness will not tolerate any verbal discourse in his near vicinity.

Human Rights Abuse / Torture: Currently under practice at all fine covert detention facilities around the world, sleep depravation is the most common form of torture utilized for the War On Terror interrogations. This form of torture is preferred not just by fascist governments but also by my son. He utilizes this inhumane technique to keep me completely unhinged and subservient. Currently, my wife and I are averaging about an hour of sleep every night.

Usurping of public property for personal gain: As is the habit of most dictators, the baby also stakes claim to property which is not rightfully his. Specifically, the baby now owns my side of the bed, even though he does have his own cot to sleep in. I have been quarantined to a sofa in the living room for my 1 hour of nightly slumber.

Privatization of national assets: This is a characteristic move made by most fascist leaders (supported by the United States) during their generally tumultuous rule. They sell off all key national assets to foreign/private investors. The presence of a new-born baby also results in a similar move often suggested by the mother.

Mother: “You know the bedroom cabinet that houses your TV, stereo and DVD player?”

Father: “Yes, I’m familiar with it as it contains my favourite things.”

Mother: “Well, that cabinet just has to go including all of its contents. Sell the damn things if you want but get rid of them immediately because we need to make space for his lordship’s crib and changing table.”

Freedom of the Press: No matter how democratic and open the claims by an autocratic government to the freedom of the press, there is ALWAYS news and information that is censored. Similarly, the news and information about the baby that is shared amongst friends and relatives is also open to scrutiny and censorship by the mother. “Now, don’t go around telling all your friends about how many times the baby cries and how much he keeps us awake at night. He doesn’t need bad press right now, especially as he has not even completed his 100 days in office!”

Government Waste: No matter how many promises we have heard regarding the reduction in the size of the government, there always seems to disproportionate amount of waste created by the same government on useless public programs. In the same manner, no matter how little milk the baby consumes during the day, the amount of waste produced by the little Mussolini is shockingly disproportionate based on the exceedingly large number of diapers he uses up during the course of a 24 hour period.

That reminds me, I better be off as I’ve registered myself for a two-day HAZMAT (Hazardous Material) Handling and Disposal Training course. My wife insists that I have to help with the diaper change.

I receive about on average of 17 million ‘business proposal’ emails every week. I finally replied to one of them because I thought it was deserving of a response. Below is the actual email and my response to it.

Miss Cleo, please see answers/comments [in bold.]

From Miss Joy Cleo
Abidjan Cote D’ Ivoire
EMAIL; xxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.fr

Dearly Beloved, […we are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman, in the holy bond of matrimony?]

Thanks for your reply. [You're most welcome, although I never emailed you before but I'm sure you consider that fact irrelevant]. Based on your profile I am happy to request for your assistance [and what profile would that be exactly; my profile on the Sad Gits Unsolicited Email Group or my profile on the Suckers Anonymous Forum?] and also to go into business partnership with you. [oh?! and here I thought you emailed me because you loved me…sigh!] I believe that you will not betrayed my trust which I am going to lay on you. [Good heavens, no! Me? Betray(ed) your trust? Never! Lay it on me thick, fast and in copiously large quantities.]

I am Miss Joy Cleo, 23years old [Really?! Judging by the content of this email, I am guessing that you're a fat, balding, 47 year old sleaze bag con artist] and the daughter of my parents. [How fortunate you are not to be a daughter of someone else's parents – that would be a real bummer I should imagine.] My father was a highly reputable magnet-[Would that be a fridge magnet or a babe magnet?] who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. [And where did he operate during his nights?] It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in one of his business trips abroad. [It is even sadder for me to say that I am sorry about his ambiguous demise.]

But God knows the truth! [Indeed, He does, hallelujah!] My mother died when I was just 5 years old [Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was it a mysterious death?] and since then my father took me so special. [My father only took me to Disneyland] Before his death on February 15th 2004 he called the secretary [would that be the Secretary of the Treasury?] who accompanied him to the hospital [how fortunate that your father managed to have company around for his 'mysterious' death at the hospital] and told him that he has the sum of Twelve Million five hundreds thousand United State Dollars.(USD$12 500 000) left in a security company in a metallic trunk box, but the security company didn’t know the contents because it was registered as family treasure and valuables items for security reasons. [Yes, I can understand the words 'family treasure and valuables items' can be a deceptively vague description for prospective thieves, as most likely they thought it contained gerbil food and dog biscuits.]

I am a university graduate [as apparent by the eloquence of your email] and really don’t know what to do. [Don't worry, most graduates are clueless]. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incest political crisis here in Ivory coast. [I was aware of the political corruption and turmoil but sexual relations with your relatives is certainly news to me]. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. [No doubt, but I'm sure the news of the whopping bags of cash, in metal box he left for you, must have brought you some amount of joy.] Sir, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. For you to assist me in this transaction i will offer you %25 percent of the totall sum. [Make it 65%, plus I'll take the extra 'L' in 'totall' and you've got yourself a deal.]

Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. [Well then, you can start by printing out this reply on a piece of sandpaper, crumpling it up and neatly inserting it in the orifice located on your backside. Once this task is completed, bang your head against a brick wall 7 times and then commit yourself at the nearest mental institution.]

Please if you have any question to ask me do not delay to contact me on my above email address. [Would you take it amiss, if I told you to drop dead?... in a mysterious sort of way of course] I await your urgent response as soon as possible. [Sod off!]

Thanks and best regards. [love and kisses]

Miss Joy Cleo

There’s a mosque here in Dubai, with two separate entrances. The main entrance leads one to the main prayer hall and a second entrance to the side of the mosque displays the following sign:

For those unable to understand Arabic or Urdu, the sign in English presents a very different meaning. When it first caught my eye, I was like, “Ooh, I’m in here!”

And before anyone of you claim that this is blashphemy, let me just clarify that God does have a sense of humour. How else would you explain the Duckbill Platypus or even George W. Bush, for example?

“I before E except after C” is a mnemonic device that helps me remember the rule for spelling certain words in the English language, such as deceive and siege when I’m describing the actions of the Bush Administration. There’s also a less known memory aid which I qualify as “I before SY when preceded by a ‘Hypo’ “. This writing standard helps formulate the word hypocrisy, which describes the current global, rather repugnant, political status quo.

Allow me to pontificate on the absurdity of their logic. A South Vietnamese student goes on a murderous rampage on a college campus and he is to be seen as ‘deranged psychopath’ (and rightly so). A neocon led army goes on a murderous rampage in sovereign nation and we are supposed to classify that as ’spreading peace and democracy’. That’s rather an absurd logic, don’t you think? Skewed so far off course, you can’t even see its connection to reality.

18 british sailors accused of spying, are detained for two weeks by Iranian authorities. They suffer severe torture for two strenuous weeks. Initially blindfolded and then isolated they are then further tormented by being well fed, given cigarette breaks, allowed to lounge around and play table tennis and board games, given new suits to wear and then finally released after receiving a gift bag each. We (the public) are then expected to sympathize with the tremendous suffering of these 18 admitted spies (according to the Sky News) who vacationed in Iran for a fortnight and then released to make money by selling their stories.

Along with the detention of the alleged Al Qaeda, Taliban and the frightfully dangerous Al Jazeera News channel reporter currently being held in indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay, there are unknown number of world citizenry who have been kidnapped and ‘renditioned’ by CIA or their approved proxy agents under the umbrella of ‘War on Terror’. There are no signs of their release or an end to their REAL torture (as apposed to what the british sailors suffered). Any one in the world can be classified an ‘enemy combatant’ and suffer indefinite detention and torture, but we are all expected to feel safe because the sanctimonious saviors of this world are busy fighting EVIL and we should not disturb them. Our only responsibility here is to acquiesce when they come to unlawfully abduct us. Apparently, the meek shall not be inheriting the earth. We were misinformed.

We are all expected to support the right of others to voice their opinions on politics, race, religion, culture, etc. in order to ensure our own right to free speech. We should also be tolerant of criticism and ridicule of our own faith, as we cannot expect everyone to conform to our own religious norms and tenets. (And yes, I am referring specifically to the case of the religious caricatures in the mainstream media which caused a furor in many countries. Geez! People really need to chill out if South Park lampoons Tom Cruise and Scientology.) This point is key if you truly believe in free speech and freedom of expression. BUT, what you cannot be allowed to do (currently in Germany and Austria and soon to be applied to the rest of the EU and even the US) is to deny, question or revise (the facts about) the Holocaust. This is the one and only free speech issue most of the western media and even some activists groups I imagine, are really truly afraid of touching. Can u imagine what would have happened had Salman Rushdie written a holocaust revisionist book instead of the Satanic Verses. The darling of the British media would be rotting in some European jail without any complaints from the English press. Personally, I do not deny the holocaust and I think what happened was horrific to say the least, and Hitler was completely off his trolley, BUT I don’t want any country that criminalizes the discussion, revision or denial of the holocaust to claim to be a complete supporter of free speech – ever! Because that is just a lorry load of horse excrement!

Religious extremist groups generally lack the ability to recognize their own hypocrisy when it comes to human rights. They desperately complain and start rioting if you don’t allow them to exercise their (self-anointed) privilege to infringe on the rights of others. They couldn’t spot the ‘irony’ if it came and bit them on their gluteus maximus. After much contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion; it is pointless to argue with them because they lack the requisite amount of brain cells and having seven or eight will just not do. I’m sorry!

And of course, there’s the pretentious bunch of so called ‘professional’ media and broadcast journalists who routinely question the abilities of bloggers to tell the truth, while the same lot (CNN, New York Times, The Associated Press, UPI and many other agencies) ran propagandist disinformation news stories courtesy the Office of Strategic Influence (which should have been appropriately called Department of Shoveling Sh*t). All these news stories were uncorroborated but the media published them anyway. So the next time you (as a blogger) gets questioned by the likes of Wolf Blitzer from CNN, you have the right to attack his journalistic integrity by kneeing him in the groin.

And here’s something even more asinine:
- US = 10,000 nuclear warheads
- Israel = 100 plus nuclear warheads (conservative est.)
- Iran = 0 nuclear warheads (currently)
And guess who is being classified as the biggest threat to the world? I’m sure you know the answer to that one. They further claim that Ahmedinajad is actually what makes Iran more dangerous, which supposedly justifies their covert attempts (by CIA and Mossad) to bring regime change in Iran. Excuse me?! Has anyone considered the other two geniuses (Bush and Olmert) in question in this current political stand-off ? Surely, by all rational, logical and factual reasoning, a regime change is far more desperately needed in the US and Israel.

The truth is, like you, I am severely frustrated by this growing hypocrisy. It started as like a small pimple but now this uncontrollable blemish has blossomed into a festering boil on the backside of humanity. And who is to blame? The current crop of fascist leaders. And by the way, they don’t give a damn about any of this. If you questioned them now, Bush would show you the finger and Cheney would signal you as a “Loser”. Don’t believe me?

Here’s proof:

The US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is setting up its new HQ in a former lunatic Asylum. The move seems rather appropriate as most of the DHS senior management happen to be former residents of the institution anyway….. or so it seems to me. Anyhow, I’m sure they shall all feel right at home.

Scientists create a sheep that is 15% human. Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, has spent the past 7 years and five million pounds perfecting the technique. The Republican Party has declared the sheep as their official presidential candidate for the elections of 2008, as it possesses the same biological make-up as the current president of the United States, (although they do admit that the sheep possesses a higher IQ).

Israeli officer sells weapons to terrorists in Iraq. The Iraqi sources announced earlier that terrorist attacks in Iraq were backed by the intelligence agencies of CIA and Mossad and the secret agents of Iraqi former regime. They also declared that the sky is blue and the grass is green. The Iraqi sources possess an uncanny knack for pointing out the obvious.

Name that war – Your chance to rewrite Israeli history. A ministerial committee met recently, in essence, to declare war. Eight months in arrears. Apparently Ehud Olmert, apart from all his other screw-ups, also forgot to officially declare war last July. The first Lebanon war was classified ‘Operation Peace for Galilee’, so they’ve decided to call this one ‘Operation Massively Underestimate Hezbollah And Suffer A Humiliating Ass Kicking That The Whole World Collectively Laughs At’.

Cadets express unwillingness to remember the holocaust. The Berliner Zeitung reported that an entire class of German police cadets expressed their unwillingness to remember the Holocaust, during a compulsory class that dealt with the Nazi regime. Well, it finally happened, repetition, reminders, reiteration of the holocaust topic has finally resulted in a group finally becoming indifferent to the issue. As punishment, all cadets have had to have their foreheads tattooed with the words, “Ask me about the holocaust – you know you want to!”

US can’t account for 600,000 fugitives. Teams assigned to make sure foreigners ordered out of the United States actually leave have a backlog of more than 600,000 cases and can’t accurately account for the fugitives’ whereabouts, the government reported Monday. Representative of the DHS said, “We’re pretty sure they are all harmless, and the public should not be concerned about these fugitives. Besides, we haven’t got time with all the illegal spying we have to do on the general populace to ensure we track and silence all voices of dissent.”

Cheney funds Al Qaeda and no one cares. Seymour Hersh’s recent report that Iran-Contra veterans working out of Dick Cheney’s office are using stolen funds from Iraq to arm al Qaeda-tied groups and foment a larger Sunni-Shia war is a big deal. Fox News Anchor responded by saying, “No, it is not! Britney Spears shaving her head, now that IS a big deal!”

Rice urges Egypt to reform its Democracy. “I’ve made my concerns known, as well as my hopes, for continued reform here in Egypt,” Rice told a news conference. Condeelaza Rice is the Secretary of State of the United States. The same United States responsible for promoting democracy in Guantanamo Bay, the Abu Ghraib prison, CIA rendition cells, etc. Upon hearing the comment from Rice, Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak said, “I laughed so hard, a little pee came out.”

14 year old sentenced to 7 years for shoving a school hall monitor. “I am a 14-year-old black freshman who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun and was sentenced to 7 years in prison.” The sentence was the decision of the Lamar County judge Chuck Superville. Chuck also warned future offenders that, “sneezing will get you 5 years, and breaking wind in the general direction of a public servant will warrant a sentence of 9 years in a federal penitentiary.”

Americans don’t mind torture. To the amazement of the audience, (Senator) Graham said, with a twinkle in his eye, that “Americans don’t mind torture, they really don’t.” Asked to justify his claim, Senator Graham replied, “Of course they don’t mind torture, they’ve been watching Fox News for years!”

Queue jumpers, road huggers, accident causing speed freaks
Uniformed fashion followers and trend setting creeps
Social climbers, spotlight seekers and the so-called elites
Teenage groupies at over-priced events and VIP seats

Over-rated night clubs with bouncers at the door
Millionaire celebrities fighting for the poor
Reality TV, celebrity shrinks and self-improvement shows
Televangelists, tabloid talk and Fox News network lows

Politicians, spin doctors, lobbyists and think tanks
Cartels, defense contractors and the federal reserve banks
Pill pushers, pharmaceuticals and insurance scams
Demagogues and devotees and their propagandist shams

Mergers, acquisitions, privatization and oil peaks
G8 leaders, super power sycophants and the imperialist geeks
Proxy wars, covert ops and the terrorism it seeds
Unilateral, nuclear attack and the faux intelligence it needs

Silence, apathy, and disquieting disbelief
Embedded reporters, sold-out media and lies that deceive
Al Qaeda threats, Red Alerts and ‘insiders’ that leak
Kidnapping, detention and torturing of the meek

Bullshitting, ethnocentric, self-righteous bores
Extremists, fascists and know-it-all whores
Honour killers, child abusers, rapists and pimps
Everyday the same old bullies tripping up the gimps

Are you in the mood for a Julie Andrews song? Well I am not, so you’ll just have to settle for this:

Sung to the tune of My favourite Things

Bomb drops on ‘targets’ and suicide bombing the masses
Imperialist dogma and alleged sectarian clashes
Anthrax laced packages tied up with strings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Sold out mainstream media and brain dead sheeple
Kidnapping and detention and ‘rendition’ of people
Fascists that think they are leaders or kings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Skinheads in white robes with swastika sashes
Govt. cameras that continuously spy on the masses
Manufactured intelligence and the invasion it brings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Again they talk war, again they sell fear, and I think “what the f*#k?”
Now there’s no use hiding in a bunker but I wish us all good luck!

[rinse and repeat]

From Bush To Ahmedinejad

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Before next valentine,
I’m bombing you.

From Ahmedinejad to Bush:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
As soon as your term is over,
the ICC is coming after you.

From War On Terror to Terrorism

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You can’t do without me
and I can’t do with you.

From Ossama to Bush:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m going straight to hell,
and there’s a place reserved for you too!

From Hillary Clinton to Israel

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If Bush won’t attack Iran,
Make me win in ‘08, I’ll do it for you!

From Al Gore to the Bush Administration

Roses are red,
Voilets are blue,
Global warming is real,
Get ready for Katrina II.

From the Bloggers to the Mainstream media

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You’re not doing your job,
So we’re doing it for you.

From the Public to the Imperialists bastards and the Terrorists gits

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
We abhor your existence because you always end up murdering innocent people, you coward pieces of Yak excrement. You are both too stupid to realize that your ideologies are flawed and you will never win! And we realize that this one does not rhyme and in fact this whole post is lame but the author couldn’t be buggered and he hates this bloody generic, commercially sponsored, card-giving, chocolate-eating valentine’s day anyway!