the olive ream

… for Rant

He had been planning this attack for ages. He waited when she was at her most vulnerable and then raided her home with the intention of invading not just her privacy. He ripped off his scruples, gave into avarice and pounced on her. He tore up her country to usurp her bountiful resource(s). She screamed as he tried to massage her ego by saying this is what she wanted and then planted a big, wet puppet regime on her. She tried to resist but he utilized the terrorist cells to weaken her and blamed her for her own lack of security. Her screams were never heard as he controlled all her media channels. He played inside her ‘green zone’ while his blackwater proxies targeted her innocent civilians to weaken her further. She cried with pain and tried feebly to attack his permanent military bases but to no avail. He was determined to spread his democracy, in order to try to screw her freedom. Her neighbor heard her screams and called for help but that only turned him on more as he talked dirty by shouting profanities and fantasized about ravaging her neighbor while violating his current victim. The other G8ers watched the attack as the voyeuristic perverts that they are and no one came to her aid. They were far too impressed by the size of his military industrial complex. There was no end to his neoconic madness. The 08 presidential candidates complained about his actions but they could not muster enough courage to even collectively do anything to make him stop. They were all too busy thinking about taking over from him once he was done, especially with the photoshoped surveillance provided by the Israeli intelligence, they were all eyeing the neighbor as their own victim. The masses saw the rise of his police state and fell silent in fear of getting screwed themselves. He screamed as he reached his oil peak, his currency devalued while his stock markets collapsed with exhaustion. His massive empire finally fell. He suddenly realized what he had done, but it was too late, his future was already in ruins.

The End.

“I before E except after C” is a mnemonic device that helps me remember the rule for spelling certain words in the English language, such as deceive and siege when I’m describing the actions of the Bush Administration. There’s also a less known memory aid which I qualify as “I before SY when preceded by a ‘Hypo’ “. This writing standard helps formulate the word hypocrisy, which describes the current global, rather repugnant, political status quo.

Allow me to pontificate on the absurdity of their logic. A South Vietnamese student goes on a murderous rampage on a college campus and he is to be seen as ‘deranged psychopath’ (and rightly so). A neocon led army goes on a murderous rampage in sovereign nation and we are supposed to classify that as ’spreading peace and democracy’. That’s rather an absurd logic, don’t you think? Skewed so far off course, you can’t even see its connection to reality.

18 british sailors accused of spying, are detained for two weeks by Iranian authorities. They suffer severe torture for two strenuous weeks. Initially blindfolded and then isolated they are then further tormented by being well fed, given cigarette breaks, allowed to lounge around and play table tennis and board games, given new suits to wear and then finally released after receiving a gift bag each. We (the public) are then expected to sympathize with the tremendous suffering of these 18 admitted spies (according to the Sky News) who vacationed in Iran for a fortnight and then released to make money by selling their stories.

Along with the detention of the alleged Al Qaeda, Taliban and the frightfully dangerous Al Jazeera News channel reporter currently being held in indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay, there are unknown number of world citizenry who have been kidnapped and ‘renditioned’ by CIA or their approved proxy agents under the umbrella of ‘War on Terror’. There are no signs of their release or an end to their REAL torture (as apposed to what the british sailors suffered). Any one in the world can be classified an ‘enemy combatant’ and suffer indefinite detention and torture, but we are all expected to feel safe because the sanctimonious saviors of this world are busy fighting EVIL and we should not disturb them. Our only responsibility here is to acquiesce when they come to unlawfully abduct us. Apparently, the meek shall not be inheriting the earth. We were misinformed.

We are all expected to support the right of others to voice their opinions on politics, race, religion, culture, etc. in order to ensure our own right to free speech. We should also be tolerant of criticism and ridicule of our own faith, as we cannot expect everyone to conform to our own religious norms and tenets. (And yes, I am referring specifically to the case of the religious caricatures in the mainstream media which caused a furor in many countries. Geez! People really need to chill out if South Park lampoons Tom Cruise and Scientology.) This point is key if you truly believe in free speech and freedom of expression. BUT, what you cannot be allowed to do (currently in Germany and Austria and soon to be applied to the rest of the EU and even the US) is to deny, question or revise (the facts about) the Holocaust. This is the one and only free speech issue most of the western media and even some activists groups I imagine, are really truly afraid of touching. Can u imagine what would have happened had Salman Rushdie written a holocaust revisionist book instead of the Satanic Verses. The darling of the British media would be rotting in some European jail without any complaints from the English press. Personally, I do not deny the holocaust and I think what happened was horrific to say the least, and Hitler was completely off his trolley, BUT I don’t want any country that criminalizes the discussion, revision or denial of the holocaust to claim to be a complete supporter of free speech – ever! Because that is just a lorry load of horse excrement!

Religious extremist groups generally lack the ability to recognize their own hypocrisy when it comes to human rights. They desperately complain and start rioting if you don’t allow them to exercise their (self-anointed) privilege to infringe on the rights of others. They couldn’t spot the ‘irony’ if it came and bit them on their gluteus maximus. After much contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion; it is pointless to argue with them because they lack the requisite amount of brain cells and having seven or eight will just not do. I’m sorry!

And of course, there’s the pretentious bunch of so called ‘professional’ media and broadcast journalists who routinely question the abilities of bloggers to tell the truth, while the same lot (CNN, New York Times, The Associated Press, UPI and many other agencies) ran propagandist disinformation news stories courtesy the Office of Strategic Influence (which should have been appropriately called Department of Shoveling Sh*t). All these news stories were uncorroborated but the media published them anyway. So the next time you (as a blogger) gets questioned by the likes of Wolf Blitzer from CNN, you have the right to attack his journalistic integrity by kneeing him in the groin.

And here’s something even more asinine:
- US = 10,000 nuclear warheads
- Israel = 100 plus nuclear warheads (conservative est.)
- Iran = 0 nuclear warheads (currently)
And guess who is being classified as the biggest threat to the world? I’m sure you know the answer to that one. They further claim that Ahmedinajad is actually what makes Iran more dangerous, which supposedly justifies their covert attempts (by CIA and Mossad) to bring regime change in Iran. Excuse me?! Has anyone considered the other two geniuses (Bush and Olmert) in question in this current political stand-off ? Surely, by all rational, logical and factual reasoning, a regime change is far more desperately needed in the US and Israel.

The truth is, like you, I am severely frustrated by this growing hypocrisy. It started as like a small pimple but now this uncontrollable blemish has blossomed into a festering boil on the backside of humanity. And who is to blame? The current crop of fascist leaders. And by the way, they don’t give a damn about any of this. If you questioned them now, Bush would show you the finger and Cheney would signal you as a “Loser”. Don’t believe me?

Here’s proof:

Press: So, how were you treated by your captors?

British Sailor (BS): We had a really tough time there for a bit. We were blindfolded.

Press: How absolutely horrifying!

BS: Yeah, and that wasn’t all, they then proceeded to isolate all of us.

Press: Gruesome!

BS: It was, yes! They put us in these cold, cemented cells.

Press: Oh dear God! Have they no decency?!

BS: Apparently not. But that wasn’t the worst of it. They then forced us to make false confessions by threatening us with 7 years in prison. Obviously, we all cracked under pressure.

Press: Oh the inhumanity of it all!

BS: Tell me about it. They fed us, got us cleaned up and dressed and then paraded us on television to have us make our false confession, one by one. But we made it clear by means of surreptitious winks, smiles and scratching of the ear lobes that we were being coerced into making these claims.

Press: Wow! I’m suitably impressed.

BS: You should be.

Press: So, what exactly did they make you confess?

BS: Well, as soon as we got back to England, they made us confess that we were actually in Iraqi territorial waters even though we all had confessed otherwise. They also wanted us to say we faced unrelenting psychological pressure from the Iranians to justify the reason for our cracking under pressure so quickly and in confessing to our uninvited sojourn into Iranian waters.

Are you in the mood for a Julie Andrews song? Well I am not, so you’ll just have to settle for this:

Sung to the tune of My favourite Things

Bomb drops on ‘targets’ and suicide bombing the masses
Imperialist dogma and alleged sectarian clashes
Anthrax laced packages tied up with strings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Sold out mainstream media and brain dead sheeple
Kidnapping and detention and ‘rendition’ of people
Fascists that think they are leaders or kings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Skinheads in white robes with swastika sashes
Govt. cameras that continuously spy on the masses
Manufactured intelligence and the invasion it brings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Again they talk war, again they sell fear, and I think “what the f*#k?”
Now there’s no use hiding in a bunker but I wish us all good luck!

[rinse and repeat]

US-Led forces show evidence of Iranian Arms in Iraq

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - U.S.-led forces presented on Sunday what officials said was “a growing body of evidence” of Iran made arms being used in Iraq. The following image was provided by the US Intel. as proof.

Interviewer: Mr. President, is the U.S. Planning to attack Iran?

The President: We are not planning to attack Iran, but all options are on the table.

Interviewer: But Mr. President, during your 10th January speech, you mentioned Iran six times!

The President: Of course! Iran is a threat to the region. Ahmedinadinadinadinajaad is building nuclear weapons over there.

Interviewer: Yes, but the speech was about the civil war situation in Iraq.

The President: Was it? … really? Yes, well, uhmm…. ahh.

Interviewer: I think your earpiece fell out Mr. President.

The President: Oh sh*t! No wonder I couldn’t hear the lines to answer you. Wait a second, let me put put it back in. Ah! that’s better. Yes, well Iran is directly involved in creating the civil war situation in Iraq.

Interviewer: So are you planning to order an attack on Iran?

The President: We are not planning to attack Iran, but all tables are on the option.

Interviewer: But the recent moves by the US navy, specifically the positioning of aircraft carriers in the Persian Gulf, points to an attack on Iran.

The President: We are not planning to attack the tables, but all the options are on Iran.

Interviewer: But it is clear that Israeli prime minister, sees the attack on Iran as a as necessity because he classifies Iran as the biggest threat to Israel, even though Prime Minister Olmert himself accidently admitted in public that Israel possesses nuclear weapons.

The President: We are not planning to option Iran, but all tables are on the attack.

Interviewer: Even the most prominent neo-conservative members of your party are now beating the war drums for Iran.

The President: We are not planning to table all the options, but the attack is on Iran.

Interviewer: Aha!! so you admit it.

The President: No wait! … I didn’t mean to say that….yet.

Interviewer: So how do you plan to drum up support for the attack?

The President: Wait for it.

Interviewer: Wait for what?

The President: Shhh!!…wait and listen.

[[[[[[ [[[[[ [[[[ [[[ [[KABOOOOM!!!!!!]] ]]] ]]]] ]]]]] ]]]]]]

The President: There’s the support I need. Now no other option is on the table BUT to attack Iran.
-
Disclaimer: This is a fictional account of what could actually turn out to be the reasoning of a future, non-fictional event.

Dear Amhadina, Ahamdinaj, Admaniha, President of Iran,

Thank you for your letter. Sorry about replying so late but I’ve been really busy with Rumey, Condi and Cheney planning an attack on your country.

I was advised by Condi not to reply to your letter but I thought otherwise as it would be the polite thing to do, plus I had some free time before Oprah comes on.

According to the brief I received regarding your letter (I did not read your actual letter – way too long!), you never mentioned that you’d give up your nuclear program. Did you forget to mention that?

See it is fairly simple, we (as in the US) are the super-power and you are a muslim country with a lot of oil and in very close prixomity, prexamity, promixity, nearness to the mother of all our allies, Israel. That pretty much qualifies you for a US attack already. But now that you are planning to continue with your nuclear program, you pretty much guaranteed an ass-kicking for yourself (know what I mean?). You say your nuclear program is mainly to provide a source of alternate energy but I know you are lying because Rumey told me so. We (as in the US and Israel) cannot allow you to aquire, equire, akuire, get nuclear weapons capability because Israel is the only country in the Middle East that should have nuclear weapons. Why?… I hear you ask. Well, that is what Jesus intended for the world. He said and I quote from the Bible (the new revised version provided to me by Cheney), “Thou must always follow the covenant brought forth by Moses as the 11^th commandment – attack any country that threatens the people of Israel and ye shall be rewarded with large amounts of oil reserves as a bonus.”

Now the five permanent members of the UN Security Council have offered you a lot of incentives to give up your nuclear program but you rejected them all, why? I mean I personally offered incentives on behalf of the US; free bikinis, beard trimmers, discount vouchers for all Block Busters video outlets, and one year free subscription to Playboy magazine but you accepted nothing! That’s a damn shame, Ahmi.

As a result, you (as in your country) will now have to face consiquincess, quonsquensis, quincicuonces, penalties for your negative behavior. After Condi’s done with her diplomatic song and dance for the world, we have some nice, new mini nukes to test out on your country. Mossad has been has been kind enough to provide a list of places for us to target. So best be prepared. I suggest hiding in one of your nuclear facilities. HAHA! just kidding…

Take care of yourself and hope to grill you soon.

Love and kisses,

George

Sung to the tune of “Old MacDonald had a farm”

Old Iran wants uranium enrichment, I-A-E-A: “NO!”
And Tehran believes it is their legitimate right, I-A-E-A: “NO!”
With “intrusive inspection” here and a “nuclear option” there
Here a “bomb” there a “blast”
Everywhere a “Terror Threat”

Old Ahmed-nejad doesn’t give a damn, I-A-E-A: “Oh?!”
Old UN Security Council issues a 30 day deadline, I-A-E-A: “Yo!”
And Iran does not want to comply, I-A-E-A: “Woah!”
With a “US hypocrisy” here and an “Israeli pressure” there
Here a “bull” there a “sh*t”
Everywhere “steaming poo”
With a “Mossad contrived intelligence” here and a “CIA backing” there
Here a “proof” there an “evidence”
Everywhere an “Impending attack”

The Atomic Agency is being prostituted by Security Council, I-A-E-A: “So?”
Do you know what the Iranis call this Agency? , I-A-E-A: “Ho?”
The five permanent members are ethnocentric and duplicitous, I-A-E-A: “Lo!”
With a “Globalism” here and a “Democratization” there
Here an “Oil Reserve” there a “Strategic Military Base”
Everywhere a “New World Order”

Should Iran get ready for US led attack?
I-A-E-A: “Sure.”