the olive ream

… for Rant

He had been planning this attack for ages. He waited when she was at her most vulnerable and then raided her home with the intention of invading not just her privacy. He ripped off his scruples, gave into avarice and pounced on her. He tore up her country to usurp her bountiful resource(s). She screamed as he tried to massage her ego by saying this is what she wanted and then planted a big, wet puppet regime on her. She tried to resist but he utilized the terrorist cells to weaken her and blamed her for her own lack of security. Her screams were never heard as he controlled all her media channels. He played inside her ‘green zone’ while his blackwater proxies targeted her innocent civilians to weaken her further. She cried with pain and tried feebly to attack his permanent military bases but to no avail. He was determined to spread his democracy, in order to try to screw her freedom. Her neighbor heard her screams and called for help but that only turned him on more as he talked dirty by shouting profanities and fantasized about ravaging her neighbor while violating his current victim. The other G8ers watched the attack as the voyeuristic perverts that they are and no one came to her aid. They were far too impressed by the size of his military industrial complex. There was no end to his neoconic madness. The 08 presidential candidates complained about his actions but they could not muster enough courage to even collectively do anything to make him stop. They were all too busy thinking about taking over from him once he was done, especially with the photoshoped surveillance provided by the Israeli intelligence, they were all eyeing the neighbor as their own victim. The masses saw the rise of his police state and fell silent in fear of getting screwed themselves. He screamed as he reached his oil peak, his currency devalued while his stock markets collapsed with exhaustion. His massive empire finally fell. He suddenly realized what he had done, but it was too late, his future was already in ruins.

The End.

Sung to the tune of My Way

And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, is only Bush, that much is clear,
We’re both war criminals, of that I’m certain.

I’ve lived a life, full of misdeeds,
Left trails of dead bodies on Iraqi highways,
And more, much more than this,
I screwed up My Way.

Regrets? I should have so many,
But then again, I can’t recall to mention
I did what I was told by Bush
And saw it through without exception
The US planned each charted course
each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this,
I still claimed it My Way.

Yes all the time, I’m sure you knew
When we bit off, more than we could chew
But through it all, as was our goal
We ate it up and swallowed whole
The sovereign rights of an entire nation
And did it Our Way.

I’ve loved kissing Bush’s arse,
I’ve laughed and hardly cried,
I’ve had my fill, my share of brown nosing
and now as sanity subsides
I find it all so amusing
to think I did all that
and may I say not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no not me
I did it My Way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not usurping another country’s oil reserves, then he has naught.
Possessed by avarice, one hardly feels,
Which makes it easy for the one who steals.
The record shows
Iraqis took the blows -
All because I did it my way!

The US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is setting up its new HQ in a former lunatic Asylum. The move seems rather appropriate as most of the DHS senior management happen to be former residents of the institution anyway….. or so it seems to me. Anyhow, I’m sure they shall all feel right at home.

Scientists create a sheep that is 15% human. Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, has spent the past 7 years and five million pounds perfecting the technique. The Republican Party has declared the sheep as their official presidential candidate for the elections of 2008, as it possesses the same biological make-up as the current president of the United States, (although they do admit that the sheep possesses a higher IQ).

Israeli officer sells weapons to terrorists in Iraq. The Iraqi sources announced earlier that terrorist attacks in Iraq were backed by the intelligence agencies of CIA and Mossad and the secret agents of Iraqi former regime. They also declared that the sky is blue and the grass is green. The Iraqi sources possess an uncanny knack for pointing out the obvious.

Name that war – Your chance to rewrite Israeli history. A ministerial committee met recently, in essence, to declare war. Eight months in arrears. Apparently Ehud Olmert, apart from all his other screw-ups, also forgot to officially declare war last July. The first Lebanon war was classified ‘Operation Peace for Galilee’, so they’ve decided to call this one ‘Operation Massively Underestimate Hezbollah And Suffer A Humiliating Ass Kicking That The Whole World Collectively Laughs At’.

Cadets express unwillingness to remember the holocaust. The Berliner Zeitung reported that an entire class of German police cadets expressed their unwillingness to remember the Holocaust, during a compulsory class that dealt with the Nazi regime. Well, it finally happened, repetition, reminders, reiteration of the holocaust topic has finally resulted in a group finally becoming indifferent to the issue. As punishment, all cadets have had to have their foreheads tattooed with the words, “Ask me about the holocaust – you know you want to!”

US can’t account for 600,000 fugitives. Teams assigned to make sure foreigners ordered out of the United States actually leave have a backlog of more than 600,000 cases and can’t accurately account for the fugitives’ whereabouts, the government reported Monday. Representative of the DHS said, “We’re pretty sure they are all harmless, and the public should not be concerned about these fugitives. Besides, we haven’t got time with all the illegal spying we have to do on the general populace to ensure we track and silence all voices of dissent.”

Cheney funds Al Qaeda and no one cares. Seymour Hersh’s recent report that Iran-Contra veterans working out of Dick Cheney’s office are using stolen funds from Iraq to arm al Qaeda-tied groups and foment a larger Sunni-Shia war is a big deal. Fox News Anchor responded by saying, “No, it is not! Britney Spears shaving her head, now that IS a big deal!”

Rice urges Egypt to reform its Democracy. “I’ve made my concerns known, as well as my hopes, for continued reform here in Egypt,” Rice told a news conference. Condeelaza Rice is the Secretary of State of the United States. The same United States responsible for promoting democracy in Guantanamo Bay, the Abu Ghraib prison, CIA rendition cells, etc. Upon hearing the comment from Rice, Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak said, “I laughed so hard, a little pee came out.”

14 year old sentenced to 7 years for shoving a school hall monitor. “I am a 14-year-old black freshman who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun and was sentenced to 7 years in prison.” The sentence was the decision of the Lamar County judge Chuck Superville. Chuck also warned future offenders that, “sneezing will get you 5 years, and breaking wind in the general direction of a public servant will warrant a sentence of 9 years in a federal penitentiary.”

Americans don’t mind torture. To the amazement of the audience, (Senator) Graham said, with a twinkle in his eye, that “Americans don’t mind torture, they really don’t.” Asked to justify his claim, Senator Graham replied, “Of course they don’t mind torture, they’ve been watching Fox News for years!”

Are you in the mood for a Julie Andrews song? Well I am not, so you’ll just have to settle for this:

Sung to the tune of My favourite Things

Bomb drops on ‘targets’ and suicide bombing the masses
Imperialist dogma and alleged sectarian clashes
Anthrax laced packages tied up with strings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Sold out mainstream media and brain dead sheeple
Kidnapping and detention and ‘rendition’ of people
Fascists that think they are leaders or kings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Skinheads in white robes with swastika sashes
Govt. cameras that continuously spy on the masses
Manufactured intelligence and the invasion it brings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Again they talk war, again they sell fear, and I think “what the f*#k?”
Now there’s no use hiding in a bunker but I wish us all good luck!

[rinse and repeat]

US-Led forces show evidence of Iranian Arms in Iraq

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - U.S.-led forces presented on Sunday what officials said was “a growing body of evidence” of Iran made arms being used in Iraq. The following image was provided by the US Intel. as proof.

So I read this article the other day on the CNN web site, about this new military technology that is catching everyone’s attention. I present the same article here for your review but with my comments in BOLD.

The military’s new weapon is a ray gun that shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they will catch fire. [How fantastic! But they can do that by holding a lighter next to someone's face so why spend billions inventing such an expansive alternative?]

The technology is supposed to be harmless — a non-lethal way to get enemies to drop their weapons. [Ooh! just like the tazer guns were supposed to be non-lethal, right? The same tazers guns that have resulted in 'accidental' deaths of several innocent civilians when they were utilized by law enforcement.]

Military officials say it could save the lives of civilians and service members in places like Iraq and Afghanistan. [Why? Is the US military planning to leave Iraq and Afghanistan and are permanently removing their military bases from these countries?]

The weapon is not expected to go into production until at least 2010, but all branches of the military have expressed interest in it, officials said. [Are these the same branches of the military whose senior personnel are shareholders in the company producing this offensive weaponry or are they the paid lobbyists for the company in question?]

During the first media demonstration of the weapon Wednesday, airmen fired beams from a large dish antenna mounted atop a Humvee at people pretending to be rioters and acting out other scenarios U.S. troops might encounter. [Hold on a minute! I thought you just said this was 'a non-lethal way to get ENEMIES to drop their weapons.' So a rioting public is the enemy, and the stones, sticks and banners they might be holding are their weapons. Yes I can certainly see how dangerous such weapons can be for armoured personnel sitting inside a tank. And what 'other scenarios' are we talking about here? People yelling, screaming obcenities telling the US military to f*ck off out of their country...and perhaps people walking aggressively is another scenario that qualifies as dangerous.]

While the sudden, 130-degree Fahrenheit (54.44 Celsius) heat was not painful, it was intense enough to make participants think their clothes were about to ignite. [Apparently, feeling like your clothes are about to burst into flames is not painful. It is just like disrobing because you feel slightly warm and you feel the need for a tan.]

“This is one of the key technologies for the future,” said Marine Col. Kirk Hymes, director of the non-lethal weapons program that helped develop the weapon. “Non-lethal weapons are important for the escalation of force, especially in the environments our forces are operating in.” [Actually, the environment you are operating in requires a de-escalation of force...and the US military force to be exact.]

The system uses millimeter waves, which can penetrate only 1/64th of an inch of skin, just enough to cause discomfort. By comparison, common kitchen microwaves penetrate several inches of skin. [But kitchen microwaves don't make you feel like your clothes are on fire either unless you are sitting inside the microwave while warming your food.]

The millimeter waves cannot go through walls, but they can penetrate most clothing, officials said. They refused to comment on whether the waves can go through glass. [So all the enemy has to do is stand behind a wall, and this million dollar weapon becomes utterly useless. I guess it becomes even more apparent that this weapon is solely meant for rioters or protestors (i.e. the general public) out in the open and the military qualifies them as the 'real' enemy. And why the refusal to comment if this will go through glass? Is it because it can't or they haven't tested the damn thing going through glass or is it because it shatters the glass injuring innocent civilians?]

The system was developed by the military, but the two devices being evaluated were built by defense contractor Raytheon. [No wonder the military is showing so much interest in buying this damn thing, they made it. And 'Ray-theon' was probably chosen because the name seemed appropriate based on the weapon in question.]

Airman Blaine Pernell, 22, said he could have used the system during his four tours in Iraq, where he manned watchtowers around a base near Kirkuk. He said Iraqis often pulled up and faked car problems so they could scout U.S. forces.[He is 22 and he's done four tours of Iraq at this age? The US military is seriously short of volunteers. I am sure he could have used this system, like many other US soldiers who use the alternate method of firing indiscriminately at the crowd to disperse them. But then again, the weapon wont be much of use, if the Iraqis run and hide behind walls.]
———–

From the article above, one gets the clear impression this weapon is developed and will be used primarily on the general public for crowd control at times of government protests. So water canons, tear gas, rubber bullets and now this! … a weapon against civil disobedience.

The source of the article is here.

I was asked by the Opinions Editor of Gulf News, to provide a brief comment on what Bloggers have to say regarding the death of Abu Musab Al-zarqawi. Below is my reply, which incidently made the front page of today’s Gulf News accompanying a breaking story questioning the circumstances of Al-zarqawi’s death. Unfortunately, there’s no online link to my comments on the Gulf News site, so you will have just have to take my word for it that it appeared on the front page OR buy yourself a copy of today’s Gulf News. Following is my opinion piece in full, which was further edited due to space constraints (or so I assume) on the front page of GN.

Bloggers Doubt Veracity of official Version

The Blogging world is a buzz again with the recent news of the death of Abu Mussab Al-zarqawi. As is the norm in the blogging community, the official version of any prominent event has to be scrutinized for validity and truth. As a result, a lot of questions have cropped regarding the official version of Al-zarqawi’s demise.

According to CNN website, “Al-Zarqawi was alive when US troops reached the mortally wounded terrorist leader after a US bombing raid”. Now, although none of the bloggers are mourning the death of Al Zarqawi (at least none of the sane ones), some have highlighted interesting questions regarding the official story of the bombing raid. Two, 500-pound bombs were dropped on a concrete hideout which as a result was blown to smithereens, and all that was left in the end was brick rubble, yet Al Zarqawi, who was mortally wounded, remained in a single piece and got carried away on a stretcher before he died. How did he manage that? Could it be for the possibility of a morbid PR press photo of his dead face and celebration of a US precision bombing campaign? Logically, shouldn’t his body have been in pieces after that kind of bombing, and his skin burnt off? Could it be that Al-Zarqawi was killed elsewhere and then claimed as dead due to this bombing raid? The official version of the death of one child (in this incident) has now been revised to include three other women. Now, a new element of the story unfolds that says that women’s (sexy) lingerie was also discovered in the rubble. Is this being done to embarrass the Muslims or just big-up the playboy image of Al-zarkawi?

Other bloggers have pointed out to older news reports that claimed Al-zarkawi died in 2003. There is also the question as to why this attack on Al-zarkawi hideout happened now, is it because President Bush’s approval rating rests at an all time low (near his IQ level)?

Are we being conditioned to accept the official version for a future terrorist attack on American soil? God forbid something like that does happen, the first reactions will probably be, “You see, Al Qaeda took revenge for killing Al-zarkawi!” Some bloggers are forced to be this cynical because of their experience of 9-11, where they discovered more holes in the official Whitehouse version of that event than a slice of Swiss cheese.

The point is, bloggers ask questions that may be conspiratorial, overtly obvious, logical, intelligent or even downright stupid. They do this because others are not willing to.

By The Olive Ream (a blogger)

The 78th Annual Academy awards will be presented on March 5th, 2006 at the Kodak Theatre, and I for one am on tenterhooks. I can’t wait till it is all over. The understandable excitement for the Oscars ceremony has resulted in much hair loss and rectal prolapsing amongst all Hollywood bigwigs. This year’s selection is rather special as it covers the gamut of topical issues from cowboy manhandling to terrorists with a conscience. You will definitely need to take a box of tissues (and a clean pair of underwear) with you to go watch these films.

With much further ado, I present the nominees for this year’s Best Motion Picture Award:

Redneck Mountain
An epic love story, set against the sweeping landscapes of Texas that tells the story of two old, extremely rich men–a Vice President and a lawyer–who meet in February of 2006 while driving through a ranch apparently hunting for birds. They unexpectedly forge a lifelong connection, when the VP accidentally shoots the lawyer in the face, mistaking him for a quail. The resulting complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love.

Kaput!
The brutal murder of more than a hundred thousand Iraqis and two thousand plus American soldiers in the invasion of Iraq sent shockwaves through the world – and captured the attention of an author named William Blum.The movie covers his journey to create a bestseller ROGUE STATE: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower. Through his extensive research, Blum compiles a detailed list of US governments involvement since WWII in torturing, kidnapping, harboring terrorists, using chemical and biological weapons and utilizing many other lovely foreign policy tools. The book got a recommendation from the most wanted and homicidal of terrorists, Ossama Bin Laden. (I am not kidding!)

Crash (and burn)
A Danish Cartoon(ist). A rightwing-liberal newspaper. A Prime Minister in shock. Thousands of pissed off Muslim protestors. They all clash due to the re-printing of sacrilegious caricatures and over the question of freedom of expression. The protests start out with reasonable and legitimate verbal and written exchange but over the course of a few weeks turn into insanity driven, politically charged riots resulting in damage to property and human life. In the end, most of the protestors have forgotten what they were actually protesting about and end up smashing windows and peoples’ heads for the heck of it.

Good Bye and Good Riddance
Taking place in the post 9-11 era of broadcast journalism, the movie chronicles the real life conflict between Bill O’ Reilly (of Fox News) and those possessing sanity. With a desire to distort facts and promote sycophancy for the Administration, Bill ends up looking like an ass after each show. The movie is about O’ Reilly’s spiral downwards in the cesspool of tabloid journalism. Even the famous late night talk show host, David Letterman, known for his irreverent and ridiculous sense of humour, tells Bill, “60% of what you say is crap.” (Absolutely true – this actually happened.)

Munchen
Set in the aftermath of the US invasion of Iraq and the Abu Ghraib scandal, the story follows the secret CIA chartered flights that originate from various European cities (including Munich) to pick up ’suspected’ Al Qaeda terrorists to be flown to other (suspect) countries for illegal detention and torture. As the news breaks in the mainstream media of these flights, it is up to the CIA to come up with more creative and innovative ways to cover their tracks (and their ass) in order to continue what they are doing.

As esteemed members of the academy, please submit your vote for the Best Picture and I shall see you all at the Oscars!