the olive ream

Sit back, relax and enjoy the show!

You’ll feel right as rain after watching this.

Tungston soon joins forces with a gifted French proctologist, Soapy Newlo, and learns that the late fat white guy was involved in the Priory of Neocons—an actual secret society whose members now control the White House. The fat dad guy (also known as the Late flatulent git) has sacrificed his life to protect the Priory’s most sacred secrets: the former association with (and nurturing of) OBL, the prior knowledge of the nonexistence of WMDs in Iraq and the no ‘real’ impending threat due to the nuclear enrichment in Iran.

In a hopeless race through Kabul, Baghdad, and beyond, Tungston and Newlo match wits, scratch heads and brush elbows with the faceless powerbrokers who appear to work for Opus Dim—a clandestine, sect of Washington Lobbyists who represent the global elitists who have long tried to seize the Priory’s secrets in order to safeguard its secrecy . The Opus believes that the Priory is turning out be a bunch of clueless fascists who can’t seem to plug the endless leaks on their massive screw ups all around the world, (including the ones in their pants).. Unless Tungston and Newlo can figure out the truth amongst the labyrinth of planned mainstream news propaganda, the Priory’s secrets—and a stunning historical truth (about 9-11)—will remain hidden forever.

In an exhilarating blend of monotonous drivel, gutless wonderment, and frustrating tripe, Dilbert Tungston continues to bore the living crap out of the reader by not being able to see the truth even though it is right in front of him, most of the time. THE DEMENTIA CODE heralds the arrival of a new breed of light-headed, unintelligent thriller…surprisingly dull at every turn, and in the end, totally predictable…right up to its foregone conclusion.

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Inspired by and satirized from DA VINCI CODE (for cathartic purposes only).

The 78th Annual Academy awards will be presented on March 5th, 2006 at the Kodak Theatre, and I for one am on tenterhooks. I can’t wait till it is all over. The understandable excitement for the Oscars ceremony has resulted in much hair loss and rectal prolapsing amongst all Hollywood bigwigs. This year’s selection is rather special as it covers the gamut of topical issues from cowboy manhandling to terrorists with a conscience. You will definitely need to take a box of tissues (and a clean pair of underwear) with you to go watch these films.

With much further ado, I present the nominees for this year’s Best Motion Picture Award:

Redneck Mountain
An epic love story, set against the sweeping landscapes of Texas that tells the story of two old, extremely rich men–a Vice President and a lawyer–who meet in February of 2006 while driving through a ranch apparently hunting for birds. They unexpectedly forge a lifelong connection, when the VP accidentally shoots the lawyer in the face, mistaking him for a quail. The resulting complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love.

Kaput!
The brutal murder of more than a hundred thousand Iraqis and two thousand plus American soldiers in the invasion of Iraq sent shockwaves through the world – and captured the attention of an author named William Blum.The movie covers his journey to create a bestseller ROGUE STATE: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower. Through his extensive research, Blum compiles a detailed list of US governments involvement since WWII in torturing, kidnapping, harboring terrorists, using chemical and biological weapons and utilizing many other lovely foreign policy tools. The book got a recommendation from the most wanted and homicidal of terrorists, Ossama Bin Laden. (I am not kidding!)

Crash (and burn)
A Danish Cartoon(ist). A rightwing-liberal newspaper. A Prime Minister in shock. Thousands of pissed off Muslim protestors. They all clash due to the re-printing of sacrilegious caricatures and over the question of freedom of expression. The protests start out with reasonable and legitimate verbal and written exchange but over the course of a few weeks turn into insanity driven, politically charged riots resulting in damage to property and human life. In the end, most of the protestors have forgotten what they were actually protesting about and end up smashing windows and peoples’ heads for the heck of it.

Good Bye and Good Riddance
Taking place in the post 9-11 era of broadcast journalism, the movie chronicles the real life conflict between Bill O’ Reilly (of Fox News) and those possessing sanity. With a desire to distort facts and promote sycophancy for the Administration, Bill ends up looking like an ass after each show. The movie is about O’ Reilly’s spiral downwards in the cesspool of tabloid journalism. Even the famous late night talk show host, David Letterman, known for his irreverent and ridiculous sense of humour, tells Bill, “60% of what you say is crap.” (Absolutely true – this actually happened.)

Munchen
Set in the aftermath of the US invasion of Iraq and the Abu Ghraib scandal, the story follows the secret CIA chartered flights that originate from various European cities (including Munich) to pick up ’suspected’ Al Qaeda terrorists to be flown to other (suspect) countries for illegal detention and torture. As the news breaks in the mainstream media of these flights, it is up to the CIA to come up with more creative and innovative ways to cover their tracks (and their ass) in order to continue what they are doing.

As esteemed members of the academy, please submit your vote for the Best Picture and I shall see you all at the Oscars!