the olive ream

Cool Facts About Israel

And now, the Not So Cool Facts About Israel

So this is how it all happened. Ajoka, a non-commercial theatre group committed to the cause of social change in Pakistan, unveiled its new play Burqavaganza last month in Lahore. The satirical play, written by Shahid Nadeem, addresses the issue of the burqa (veil) and highlights the double-standards and hypocrisy of the feudal/tribal mindset. The aim was to use humour and satire to challenge the cultural status quo and to provoke people to think for themselves.

The audience thoroughly enjoyed the show and the play received positive reviews in the press. But the most surprising response to the play came from a rather astute group of individuals belonging to the MMA (more popularly known as Mullah Military Alliance). Inspired by the success of the Burqavaganza, five extremely talented MNAs decided to perform their own impromptu over-the-top ‘drama‘ in the National Assembly. The play imaginatively titled Fanativaganza (by yours truly), was a staged rebuttal to the Ajoka group’s play. Substituting the use of satire, the inspired MNAs opted for provocative language and violent hand gestures to ridicule the writer of Burqvaganza and the Director of the Ajoka theatre group. Apparently, to these five highly sensitive and pious individuals, the Burqavaganza play was clearly un-Islamic, enough to be classified as blasphemous. Although, it has to be clarified that these days, any critique, criticism, aspersion, censure, swipe or nitpicking of the norms and practices of these religious extremists will likely lead to a blasphemy charge, even if it is a comment regarding the general unruliness of their beards.

One minor clarification here, they cannot be called religious fundamentalists. This is because they fail to grasp the fundamentals of the religion they claim to be following. ‘Nutters’ is more appropriate and generally my preference.

The MNA performed drama did not get a positive response from the public or the press, but it did manage to get a standing ovation from the Minister of Culture, who subsequently announced a government ban on the Burqavaganza play to show his appreciation for the drama queens of the national assembly. He was so moved by the MMA performance that he additionally promised further government actions against the key members of the Ajoka Theatre group. I have to admit, as a Pakistani citizen, hearing this news brought a lump to my throat. It wasn’t that I was emotional, it just happened to be part of the process of me regurgitating my last meal, as I got sick to my stomach.

It is clear now that the government’s attempt at promoting ‘enlightened moderation’ in reference to religion has not been very successful. Actually, that is an understatement; it has been an unquestionable, resounding failure. I do admit though that they have managed to create an era of (religious) ‘moderated enlightenment’. When your faith is judged by the size of your beard or measured by the length of your veil, you are in serious, serious trouble!

“I before E except after C” is a mnemonic device that helps me remember the rule for spelling certain words in the English language, such as deceive and siege when I’m describing the actions of the Bush Administration. There’s also a less known memory aid which I qualify as “I before SY when preceded by a ‘Hypo’ “. This writing standard helps formulate the word hypocrisy, which describes the current global, rather repugnant, political status quo.

Allow me to pontificate on the absurdity of their logic. A South Vietnamese student goes on a murderous rampage on a college campus and he is to be seen as ‘deranged psychopath’ (and rightly so). A neocon led army goes on a murderous rampage in sovereign nation and we are supposed to classify that as ’spreading peace and democracy’. That’s rather an absurd logic, don’t you think? Skewed so far off course, you can’t even see its connection to reality.

18 british sailors accused of spying, are detained for two weeks by Iranian authorities. They suffer severe torture for two strenuous weeks. Initially blindfolded and then isolated they are then further tormented by being well fed, given cigarette breaks, allowed to lounge around and play table tennis and board games, given new suits to wear and then finally released after receiving a gift bag each. We (the public) are then expected to sympathize with the tremendous suffering of these 18 admitted spies (according to the Sky News) who vacationed in Iran for a fortnight and then released to make money by selling their stories.

Along with the detention of the alleged Al Qaeda, Taliban and the frightfully dangerous Al Jazeera News channel reporter currently being held in indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay, there are unknown number of world citizenry who have been kidnapped and ‘renditioned’ by CIA or their approved proxy agents under the umbrella of ‘War on Terror’. There are no signs of their release or an end to their REAL torture (as apposed to what the british sailors suffered). Any one in the world can be classified an ‘enemy combatant’ and suffer indefinite detention and torture, but we are all expected to feel safe because the sanctimonious saviors of this world are busy fighting EVIL and we should not disturb them. Our only responsibility here is to acquiesce when they come to unlawfully abduct us. Apparently, the meek shall not be inheriting the earth. We were misinformed.

We are all expected to support the right of others to voice their opinions on politics, race, religion, culture, etc. in order to ensure our own right to free speech. We should also be tolerant of criticism and ridicule of our own faith, as we cannot expect everyone to conform to our own religious norms and tenets. (And yes, I am referring specifically to the case of the religious caricatures in the mainstream media which caused a furor in many countries. Geez! People really need to chill out if South Park lampoons Tom Cruise and Scientology.) This point is key if you truly believe in free speech and freedom of expression. BUT, what you cannot be allowed to do (currently in Germany and Austria and soon to be applied to the rest of the EU and even the US) is to deny, question or revise (the facts about) the Holocaust. This is the one and only free speech issue most of the western media and even some activists groups I imagine, are really truly afraid of touching. Can u imagine what would have happened had Salman Rushdie written a holocaust revisionist book instead of the Satanic Verses. The darling of the British media would be rotting in some European jail without any complaints from the English press. Personally, I do not deny the holocaust and I think what happened was horrific to say the least, and Hitler was completely off his trolley, BUT I don’t want any country that criminalizes the discussion, revision or denial of the holocaust to claim to be a complete supporter of free speech – ever! Because that is just a lorry load of horse excrement!

Religious extremist groups generally lack the ability to recognize their own hypocrisy when it comes to human rights. They desperately complain and start rioting if you don’t allow them to exercise their (self-anointed) privilege to infringe on the rights of others. They couldn’t spot the ‘irony’ if it came and bit them on their gluteus maximus. After much contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion; it is pointless to argue with them because they lack the requisite amount of brain cells and having seven or eight will just not do. I’m sorry!

And of course, there’s the pretentious bunch of so called ‘professional’ media and broadcast journalists who routinely question the abilities of bloggers to tell the truth, while the same lot (CNN, New York Times, The Associated Press, UPI and many other agencies) ran propagandist disinformation news stories courtesy the Office of Strategic Influence (which should have been appropriately called Department of Shoveling Sh*t). All these news stories were uncorroborated but the media published them anyway. So the next time you (as a blogger) gets questioned by the likes of Wolf Blitzer from CNN, you have the right to attack his journalistic integrity by kneeing him in the groin.

And here’s something even more asinine:
- US = 10,000 nuclear warheads
- Israel = 100 plus nuclear warheads (conservative est.)
- Iran = 0 nuclear warheads (currently)
And guess who is being classified as the biggest threat to the world? I’m sure you know the answer to that one. They further claim that Ahmedinajad is actually what makes Iran more dangerous, which supposedly justifies their covert attempts (by CIA and Mossad) to bring regime change in Iran. Excuse me?! Has anyone considered the other two geniuses (Bush and Olmert) in question in this current political stand-off ? Surely, by all rational, logical and factual reasoning, a regime change is far more desperately needed in the US and Israel.

The truth is, like you, I am severely frustrated by this growing hypocrisy. It started as like a small pimple but now this uncontrollable blemish has blossomed into a festering boil on the backside of humanity. And who is to blame? The current crop of fascist leaders. And by the way, they don’t give a damn about any of this. If you questioned them now, Bush would show you the finger and Cheney would signal you as a “Loser”. Don’t believe me?

Here’s proof:

Press: So, how were you treated by your captors?

British Sailor (BS): We had a really tough time there for a bit. We were blindfolded.

Press: How absolutely horrifying!

BS: Yeah, and that wasn’t all, they then proceeded to isolate all of us.

Press: Gruesome!

BS: It was, yes! They put us in these cold, cemented cells.

Press: Oh dear God! Have they no decency?!

BS: Apparently not. But that wasn’t the worst of it. They then forced us to make false confessions by threatening us with 7 years in prison. Obviously, we all cracked under pressure.

Press: Oh the inhumanity of it all!

BS: Tell me about it. They fed us, got us cleaned up and dressed and then paraded us on television to have us make our false confession, one by one. But we made it clear by means of surreptitious winks, smiles and scratching of the ear lobes that we were being coerced into making these claims.

Press: Wow! I’m suitably impressed.

BS: You should be.

Press: So, what exactly did they make you confess?

BS: Well, as soon as we got back to England, they made us confess that we were actually in Iraqi territorial waters even though we all had confessed otherwise. They also wanted us to say we faced unrelenting psychological pressure from the Iranians to justify the reason for our cracking under pressure so quickly and in confessing to our uninvited sojourn into Iranian waters.

The US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is setting up its new HQ in a former lunatic Asylum. The move seems rather appropriate as most of the DHS senior management happen to be former residents of the institution anyway….. or so it seems to me. Anyhow, I’m sure they shall all feel right at home.

Scientists create a sheep that is 15% human. Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, has spent the past 7 years and five million pounds perfecting the technique. The Republican Party has declared the sheep as their official presidential candidate for the elections of 2008, as it possesses the same biological make-up as the current president of the United States, (although they do admit that the sheep possesses a higher IQ).

Israeli officer sells weapons to terrorists in Iraq. The Iraqi sources announced earlier that terrorist attacks in Iraq were backed by the intelligence agencies of CIA and Mossad and the secret agents of Iraqi former regime. They also declared that the sky is blue and the grass is green. The Iraqi sources possess an uncanny knack for pointing out the obvious.

Name that war – Your chance to rewrite Israeli history. A ministerial committee met recently, in essence, to declare war. Eight months in arrears. Apparently Ehud Olmert, apart from all his other screw-ups, also forgot to officially declare war last July. The first Lebanon war was classified ‘Operation Peace for Galilee’, so they’ve decided to call this one ‘Operation Massively Underestimate Hezbollah And Suffer A Humiliating Ass Kicking That The Whole World Collectively Laughs At’.

Cadets express unwillingness to remember the holocaust. The Berliner Zeitung reported that an entire class of German police cadets expressed their unwillingness to remember the Holocaust, during a compulsory class that dealt with the Nazi regime. Well, it finally happened, repetition, reminders, reiteration of the holocaust topic has finally resulted in a group finally becoming indifferent to the issue. As punishment, all cadets have had to have their foreheads tattooed with the words, “Ask me about the holocaust – you know you want to!”

US can’t account for 600,000 fugitives. Teams assigned to make sure foreigners ordered out of the United States actually leave have a backlog of more than 600,000 cases and can’t accurately account for the fugitives’ whereabouts, the government reported Monday. Representative of the DHS said, “We’re pretty sure they are all harmless, and the public should not be concerned about these fugitives. Besides, we haven’t got time with all the illegal spying we have to do on the general populace to ensure we track and silence all voices of dissent.”

Cheney funds Al Qaeda and no one cares. Seymour Hersh’s recent report that Iran-Contra veterans working out of Dick Cheney’s office are using stolen funds from Iraq to arm al Qaeda-tied groups and foment a larger Sunni-Shia war is a big deal. Fox News Anchor responded by saying, “No, it is not! Britney Spears shaving her head, now that IS a big deal!”

Rice urges Egypt to reform its Democracy. “I’ve made my concerns known, as well as my hopes, for continued reform here in Egypt,” Rice told a news conference. Condeelaza Rice is the Secretary of State of the United States. The same United States responsible for promoting democracy in Guantanamo Bay, the Abu Ghraib prison, CIA rendition cells, etc. Upon hearing the comment from Rice, Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak said, “I laughed so hard, a little pee came out.”

14 year old sentenced to 7 years for shoving a school hall monitor. “I am a 14-year-old black freshman who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun and was sentenced to 7 years in prison.” The sentence was the decision of the Lamar County judge Chuck Superville. Chuck also warned future offenders that, “sneezing will get you 5 years, and breaking wind in the general direction of a public servant will warrant a sentence of 9 years in a federal penitentiary.”

Americans don’t mind torture. To the amazement of the audience, (Senator) Graham said, with a twinkle in his eye, that “Americans don’t mind torture, they really don’t.” Asked to justify his claim, Senator Graham replied, “Of course they don’t mind torture, they’ve been watching Fox News for years!”

The former chief of staff of V.P. Dick, Irve Lewis “Scooter” Libby was convicted of obstruction of justice, perjury, lying to the FBI and possessing one of the stupidest names in history for a former White House official. The verdict came after 10 days of deliberation after the jury finally stopped laughing at his name.

As expected and predicted by many, Libby took the fall for Karl Rove, who is believed to be actually responsible for outing the identity of Valerie Plame, a CIA operative. Prez Bush cannot be held responsible for the leak, other than the one he made in his pants when he heard the verdict.

Special Prosecutor, Patrick Fitzgerald made it clear that he will not be pursuing this investigation of this leak case any further, as it obviously will lead directly to the VP, and he cannot risk losing his testicles for the sake of the truth.

So there you have it - justice served! The President and Vice President continue to lie blatantly to the world at every available opportunity and old man ‘Scooter” is going to jail for obstruction of justice, perjury and lying. Had Fitzgerald prosecuted others in DC for the same crime, it is believed that all the members of the House and the Congress would be behind bars… and I am not talking about the ones they frequent for their regular evenings of debauchery.

Queue jumpers, road huggers, accident causing speed freaks
Uniformed fashion followers and trend setting creeps
Social climbers, spotlight seekers and the so-called elites
Teenage groupies at over-priced events and VIP seats

Over-rated night clubs with bouncers at the door
Millionaire celebrities fighting for the poor
Reality TV, celebrity shrinks and self-improvement shows
Televangelists, tabloid talk and Fox News network lows

Politicians, spin doctors, lobbyists and think tanks
Cartels, defense contractors and the federal reserve banks
Pill pushers, pharmaceuticals and insurance scams
Demagogues and devotees and their propagandist shams

Mergers, acquisitions, privatization and oil peaks
G8 leaders, super power sycophants and the imperialist geeks
Proxy wars, covert ops and the terrorism it seeds
Unilateral, nuclear attack and the faux intelligence it needs

Silence, apathy, and disquieting disbelief
Embedded reporters, sold-out media and lies that deceive
Al Qaeda threats, Red Alerts and ‘insiders’ that leak
Kidnapping, detention and torturing of the meek

Bullshitting, ethnocentric, self-righteous bores
Extremists, fascists and know-it-all whores
Honour killers, child abusers, rapists and pimps
Everyday the same old bullies tripping up the gimps

What is shown in this video is a regular occurrence but is almost never shown in the mainstream media. Unfortunately for Israel, in this case, their own media broke the rule and revealed the truth. But it is unlikely you’re going to see this on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, or BBC. Rupert Murdoch’s head would explode if Fox News ever decided to air this.

Are you in the mood for a Julie Andrews song? Well I am not, so you’ll just have to settle for this:

Sung to the tune of My favourite Things

Bomb drops on ‘targets’ and suicide bombing the masses
Imperialist dogma and alleged sectarian clashes
Anthrax laced packages tied up with strings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Sold out mainstream media and brain dead sheeple
Kidnapping and detention and ‘rendition’ of people
Fascists that think they are leaders or kings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Skinheads in white robes with swastika sashes
Govt. cameras that continuously spy on the masses
Manufactured intelligence and the invasion it brings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Again they talk war, again they sell fear, and I think “what the f*#k?”
Now there’s no use hiding in a bunker but I wish us all good luck!

[rinse and repeat]