the olive ream

“As of September 11, 2006, the number detained was 83,000. None have been bought to trial…”

Pay attention to what has happened and what is still happening.

What you are about to read is a rant. No, it is more than that. It is a harangue disguised as diatribe pretending to be an exhortation. What is relevant though, and should service as a disclaimer, is that I’m pissed off and it is likely that what follows is not going to make any sense (to you).

War. What is good for? Making huge amounts of money for a selected bunch of bastards. But you can’t amass a growing fortune with a war that has an end. You need something that goes on forever. Precisely like the War on Terror (WOT). WOT is perfect. It can be fought in any country, any time because it is a franchise. It is the McDonalds of wars (or more appropriately the McDonald Douglas of wars). If you don’t have an enemy, no worries, you make one up. Or you can plan ahead. You sponsor, nurture, suckle a small group of lunatics and let them fester like a boil on the backside of humanity. When the pustule seems ready to burst, you just prick it by bombing the crap out of some innocent civilians. And there you have it, you got yourself some evil-doers ready to be thwarted. For the sake of publicity, classify your enemy as ‘the terrorists’ because it’s got a nice ring to it.

In order to ensure that WOT is successful (meaning everlasting), you have to be very precise in attacking selected, primary targets. You have to make sure that you don’t kill any of your enemies accidently. Because if you do, your enemies will diminish in number and your war might actually come to an end, eventually. So the best approach is to pick a fight, bomb some innocent civilians, arrest anyone who protests, and rendition those who have absolutely nothing to do with terrorism. And when you have completely messed up the country, open up a franchise in another country. It is that simple!

Don’t worry if you run short of enemies (terrorists). Just make some up. Again, all you have to do is kill a few innocent civilians, blame some anti-government religious fanatic group and voila! you have your terrorists. Like the WOT, it is best to create an enemy that can be franchised from the start. Give them a name like Al Quackduh or some other, similar sounding name. And then when you franchise your war to another country, the terrorists will be already in your WOT kit.

Obviously, you can’t fight the WOT alone. You need some allies (pronounced all LIES). Now these allies are not part of your franchise tool kit but they can be your partner in the WOT, by using a small amount of coercion and an unreasonable amount of cash. And if you feel that the allies are not helping much with the WOT, you can blame them for not doing enough and attack their countries instead. What fun, eh?

Now, there’s bound to be complaints world wide about the WOT. But don’t bother too much about that because eventually all those who are complaining will either be bombed, imprisoned or tortured under the label of WOT. Yes, it is true, WOT will spread like a warm blanket all across the globe. Well, that’s the main aim anyway. For those who aren’t complaining, there will be many rich rewards in store for them. They’ll be endless episodes of American Idol, sick reality tv shows and free concert tickets to see Britney Spears Live at the Rehab center.

Rest assured, that the WOT will go on….and you will be able to catch it live on CNN and Fox News.

F*** it!

Hello, boys and girls! Are you all in a festive mood this season? Well, sing along to this one…

Deck the innocent with bombs of folly
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
‘Tis their reason to be jolly,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

Don their camouflaged gay apparel,
Hell la la, hell la la, hell la la la,
They’ll blame fanatics, so you’ll cry, “peril!”
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

See them sell their lies before us,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
Sold out media will join the chorus,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

Corporate backing in considerable measure,
Hell la la, hell la la, hell la la la,
Destroy a nation to loot their treasure
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

Detention, torture or death all passes,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
By arresting the truth-tellers, brainwashing the masses,
Hell la la, hell la la, hell la la la,

Sing the fascist bastards, all together:
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
“All hail the profitable war on terror!”
Hell la la la la, hell la la la.

MARY KWEZMAZ and a jolly good rogering to you all!

…. OR HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS.

I was interviewed (again) by Cristopher Lydon of Radio Open Source a few days back. I would like to thank him for the opportunity for allowing me to rant. Although I had two pages of notes prepared in my attempt to sound sensible, I forgot to refer to them and instead spoke impromptu. The result are answers filled with umms, uhhs, long pauses and repeating the word ‘basically’ about a few hundred times during the course of the interview.

You can hear me sounding off here.

A series of short documentary clips that explain how mainstream news and war reporting is redacted, ‘heroic’ events are staged, how facts are fudged, spun or down right ignored.

Warning: Some scenes are very graphic…but that shouldn’t stop you from watching these videos.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

PART 7

PART 8

PART 9

Dear Mr./President/General Musharraf,

The War On Terror Executive Committee is pleased to present you with your exclusive WOT Privilege Card, to be used at your discretion.

As a member of this elite club, this card allows you innumerable benefits (including and not limited to):
- Declaring “emergency”
- Suspending the Constitution
- Replacing the judiciary
- Setting up your choice interim government
- Arresting, detaining and mistreating lawyers, media personnel, human rights activists, students, and protestors in general.
- Shutting down cable news channels
- Holding suspect/staged elections
- Basically, anything that you can think up to cater to the whims of your colossal ego as apparently, you are the only one who knows what is right for Pakistan.

All these benefits are yours under the label of “war on terror”. Who knew it would be that simple?!

Please note that the use of this card is limited to Pakistan only. Other despot WOT Privilege card members have rights to similar benefits within their own countries, except for the US Administration who currently possesses the only Platinum WOT Privilege card which can be used globally.

Thank you for banking on us,

The WOT Executive Committee, in association with the Society of Fascists for the Advancement of Globalism

“I before E except after C” is a mnemonic device that helps me remember the rule for spelling certain words in the English language, such as deceive and siege when I’m describing the actions of the Bush Administration. There’s also a less known memory aid which I qualify as “I before SY when preceded by a ‘Hypo’ “. This writing standard helps formulate the word hypocrisy, which describes the current global, rather repugnant, political status quo.

Allow me to pontificate on the absurdity of their logic. A South Vietnamese student goes on a murderous rampage on a college campus and he is to be seen as ‘deranged psychopath’ (and rightly so). A neocon led army goes on a murderous rampage in sovereign nation and we are supposed to classify that as ’spreading peace and democracy’. That’s rather an absurd logic, don’t you think? Skewed so far off course, you can’t even see its connection to reality.

18 british sailors accused of spying, are detained for two weeks by Iranian authorities. They suffer severe torture for two strenuous weeks. Initially blindfolded and then isolated they are then further tormented by being well fed, given cigarette breaks, allowed to lounge around and play table tennis and board games, given new suits to wear and then finally released after receiving a gift bag each. We (the public) are then expected to sympathize with the tremendous suffering of these 18 admitted spies (according to the Sky News) who vacationed in Iran for a fortnight and then released to make money by selling their stories.

Along with the detention of the alleged Al Qaeda, Taliban and the frightfully dangerous Al Jazeera News channel reporter currently being held in indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay, there are unknown number of world citizenry who have been kidnapped and ‘renditioned’ by CIA or their approved proxy agents under the umbrella of ‘War on Terror’. There are no signs of their release or an end to their REAL torture (as apposed to what the british sailors suffered). Any one in the world can be classified an ‘enemy combatant’ and suffer indefinite detention and torture, but we are all expected to feel safe because the sanctimonious saviors of this world are busy fighting EVIL and we should not disturb them. Our only responsibility here is to acquiesce when they come to unlawfully abduct us. Apparently, the meek shall not be inheriting the earth. We were misinformed.

We are all expected to support the right of others to voice their opinions on politics, race, religion, culture, etc. in order to ensure our own right to free speech. We should also be tolerant of criticism and ridicule of our own faith, as we cannot expect everyone to conform to our own religious norms and tenets. (And yes, I am referring specifically to the case of the religious caricatures in the mainstream media which caused a furor in many countries. Geez! People really need to chill out if South Park lampoons Tom Cruise and Scientology.) This point is key if you truly believe in free speech and freedom of expression. BUT, what you cannot be allowed to do (currently in Germany and Austria and soon to be applied to the rest of the EU and even the US) is to deny, question or revise (the facts about) the Holocaust. This is the one and only free speech issue most of the western media and even some activists groups I imagine, are really truly afraid of touching. Can u imagine what would have happened had Salman Rushdie written a holocaust revisionist book instead of the Satanic Verses. The darling of the British media would be rotting in some European jail without any complaints from the English press. Personally, I do not deny the holocaust and I think what happened was horrific to say the least, and Hitler was completely off his trolley, BUT I don’t want any country that criminalizes the discussion, revision or denial of the holocaust to claim to be a complete supporter of free speech – ever! Because that is just a lorry load of horse excrement!

Religious extremist groups generally lack the ability to recognize their own hypocrisy when it comes to human rights. They desperately complain and start rioting if you don’t allow them to exercise their (self-anointed) privilege to infringe on the rights of others. They couldn’t spot the ‘irony’ if it came and bit them on their gluteus maximus. After much contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion; it is pointless to argue with them because they lack the requisite amount of brain cells and having seven or eight will just not do. I’m sorry!

And of course, there’s the pretentious bunch of so called ‘professional’ media and broadcast journalists who routinely question the abilities of bloggers to tell the truth, while the same lot (CNN, New York Times, The Associated Press, UPI and many other agencies) ran propagandist disinformation news stories courtesy the Office of Strategic Influence (which should have been appropriately called Department of Shoveling Sh*t). All these news stories were uncorroborated but the media published them anyway. So the next time you (as a blogger) gets questioned by the likes of Wolf Blitzer from CNN, you have the right to attack his journalistic integrity by kneeing him in the groin.

And here’s something even more asinine:
- US = 10,000 nuclear warheads
- Israel = 100 plus nuclear warheads (conservative est.)
- Iran = 0 nuclear warheads (currently)
And guess who is being classified as the biggest threat to the world? I’m sure you know the answer to that one. They further claim that Ahmedinajad is actually what makes Iran more dangerous, which supposedly justifies their covert attempts (by CIA and Mossad) to bring regime change in Iran. Excuse me?! Has anyone considered the other two geniuses (Bush and Olmert) in question in this current political stand-off ? Surely, by all rational, logical and factual reasoning, a regime change is far more desperately needed in the US and Israel.

The truth is, like you, I am severely frustrated by this growing hypocrisy. It started as like a small pimple but now this uncontrollable blemish has blossomed into a festering boil on the backside of humanity. And who is to blame? The current crop of fascist leaders. And by the way, they don’t give a damn about any of this. If you questioned them now, Bush would show you the finger and Cheney would signal you as a “Loser”. Don’t believe me?

Here’s proof:

The US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is setting up its new HQ in a former lunatic Asylum. The move seems rather appropriate as most of the DHS senior management happen to be former residents of the institution anyway….. or so it seems to me. Anyhow, I’m sure they shall all feel right at home.

Scientists create a sheep that is 15% human. Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, has spent the past 7 years and five million pounds perfecting the technique. The Republican Party has declared the sheep as their official presidential candidate for the elections of 2008, as it possesses the same biological make-up as the current president of the United States, (although they do admit that the sheep possesses a higher IQ).

Israeli officer sells weapons to terrorists in Iraq. The Iraqi sources announced earlier that terrorist attacks in Iraq were backed by the intelligence agencies of CIA and Mossad and the secret agents of Iraqi former regime. They also declared that the sky is blue and the grass is green. The Iraqi sources possess an uncanny knack for pointing out the obvious.

Name that war – Your chance to rewrite Israeli history. A ministerial committee met recently, in essence, to declare war. Eight months in arrears. Apparently Ehud Olmert, apart from all his other screw-ups, also forgot to officially declare war last July. The first Lebanon war was classified ‘Operation Peace for Galilee’, so they’ve decided to call this one ‘Operation Massively Underestimate Hezbollah And Suffer A Humiliating Ass Kicking That The Whole World Collectively Laughs At’.

Cadets express unwillingness to remember the holocaust. The Berliner Zeitung reported that an entire class of German police cadets expressed their unwillingness to remember the Holocaust, during a compulsory class that dealt with the Nazi regime. Well, it finally happened, repetition, reminders, reiteration of the holocaust topic has finally resulted in a group finally becoming indifferent to the issue. As punishment, all cadets have had to have their foreheads tattooed with the words, “Ask me about the holocaust – you know you want to!”

US can’t account for 600,000 fugitives. Teams assigned to make sure foreigners ordered out of the United States actually leave have a backlog of more than 600,000 cases and can’t accurately account for the fugitives’ whereabouts, the government reported Monday. Representative of the DHS said, “We’re pretty sure they are all harmless, and the public should not be concerned about these fugitives. Besides, we haven’t got time with all the illegal spying we have to do on the general populace to ensure we track and silence all voices of dissent.”

Cheney funds Al Qaeda and no one cares. Seymour Hersh’s recent report that Iran-Contra veterans working out of Dick Cheney’s office are using stolen funds from Iraq to arm al Qaeda-tied groups and foment a larger Sunni-Shia war is a big deal. Fox News Anchor responded by saying, “No, it is not! Britney Spears shaving her head, now that IS a big deal!”

Rice urges Egypt to reform its Democracy. “I’ve made my concerns known, as well as my hopes, for continued reform here in Egypt,” Rice told a news conference. Condeelaza Rice is the Secretary of State of the United States. The same United States responsible for promoting democracy in Guantanamo Bay, the Abu Ghraib prison, CIA rendition cells, etc. Upon hearing the comment from Rice, Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak said, “I laughed so hard, a little pee came out.”

14 year old sentenced to 7 years for shoving a school hall monitor. “I am a 14-year-old black freshman who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun and was sentenced to 7 years in prison.” The sentence was the decision of the Lamar County judge Chuck Superville. Chuck also warned future offenders that, “sneezing will get you 5 years, and breaking wind in the general direction of a public servant will warrant a sentence of 9 years in a federal penitentiary.”

Americans don’t mind torture. To the amazement of the audience, (Senator) Graham said, with a twinkle in his eye, that “Americans don’t mind torture, they really don’t.” Asked to justify his claim, Senator Graham replied, “Of course they don’t mind torture, they’ve been watching Fox News for years!”

Are you in the mood for a Julie Andrews song? Well I am not, so you’ll just have to settle for this:

Sung to the tune of My favourite Things

Bomb drops on ‘targets’ and suicide bombing the masses
Imperialist dogma and alleged sectarian clashes
Anthrax laced packages tied up with strings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Sold out mainstream media and brain dead sheeple
Kidnapping and detention and ‘rendition’ of people
Fascists that think they are leaders or kings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Skinheads in white robes with swastika sashes
Govt. cameras that continuously spy on the masses
Manufactured intelligence and the invasion it brings
These aren’t a few of my favorite things
Again they talk war, again they sell fear, and I think “what the f*#k?”
Now there’s no use hiding in a bunker but I wish us all good luck!

[rinse and repeat]

US-Led forces show evidence of Iranian Arms in Iraq

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - U.S.-led forces presented on Sunday what officials said was “a growing body of evidence” of Iran made arms being used in Iraq. The following image was provided by the US Intel. as proof.